


Mata Ashita

by Kataki



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Breathplay, Businessman Erwin Smith, Choking, Daddy Kink, Depressed Erwin Smith, Depressed Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Dom/sub, Dominant Erwin Smith, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rimming, Sensory Deprivation, Size Difference, Spanking, Submissive Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Sugar Daddy Erwin Smith, Suicidal Thoughts, they both have issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-26 12:49:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12059307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kataki/pseuds/Kataki
Summary: "Erwin wraps his hand around Levi’s fingers, swallowing them in his palm, and for the first time Levi looks up at him, flustered, while Erwin burns the image into the back of his mind. What a gift."Erwin is a lonely expat in Tokyo, taking a slightly creepy interest in a younger guy who frequents the same convenience store. At first sight they don't have much in common but their loneliness.





	1. Meet me again

**Author's Note:**

> Levi is of age, and while Erwin is a little creepy, all acts between him and Levi will be consensual. The rating will probably go up to Explicit in later chapters (for sexual content). 
> 
> This fic was quite spontaneous and I tried out a very different style/process of writing - it might change over time.
> 
> I am not a native speaker and do not have a beta-reader, please excuse the mistakes.
> 
> Chapter two is in the making, but I haven't decided where to go with the story as a whole, if you want to influence me or have a question, please visit me on tumblr: [tsukareta-levi](https://tsukareta-levi.tumblr.com/)

 

It’s Thursday night when Erwin notices him for the first time. The store is almost empty, other than them and the cashier, who pays attention to his phone only, there’s no one inside.

The boy - Erwin shouldn’t think of him like that, he's probably in his early twenties - grabs a few bowls of instant noodles and some drinks, his small frame almost drowning in the oversized sweater as he shuffles towards the checkout. Erwin pretends to read ingredients he can’t decipher anyway on some pre-packed meal, but his eyes are glued to the boy, following him as he checks out and leaves the store.

 

He sees him again the next day, buying only a few drinks and a chocolate bar, Erwin loosens his tie a bit, feeling uneasy, the way he observes him. You don’t do that, stare at people like that, but he can’t help it.

The boy doesn’t meet his gaze and leaves, this time he wears shorts and Erwin’s eyes stay on pale, slim legs making their way outside.

He wants to touch his skin, it looks soft and milky, either the boy shaves or the hairs on his body must be fine, barely visible. Erwin prefers the former.

 

On Saturday Erwin stays home at first but decides to go to the store around the same time as usual, hoping to see the boy, but he doesn’t come.

 

On Sunday Erwin stays inside and jerks off to the thought of milky thighs, covered by a thin layer of sweat, trembling beneath his fingers when he forces them apart and sinks into tight heat.

He tries to imagine the boy’s face, but it’s difficult, Erwin knows the shape of his nose, his sharp profile, but what’s his eye color?

 

On Monday Erwin hurries to the store, after work. He’s late and slightly out of breath when he sets foot into it, eyes searching for the one he needs to see so badly. His stomach aches at the thought of possibly having missed him. Erwin finds the small figure in front of the pre-packed meals, seemingly unable to decide what he wants. Erwin knows what he wants but approaches without a plan.

When the boy’s hand reaches for a meal, Erwin’s mimics the gesture and meets his fingers for less than a second, the boy immediately pulls away and Erwin knows he will use his left hand to jerk off that night.

“Ah.” The boy looks up at him. Yes, yes, finally.. his eyes are.. grey - blue?

“Sorry.” Impossibly soft looking lips form the words, accent free, Erwin smiles at that.

“You’re a foreigner,” he says and wants to punch himself for not holding his tongue.

“I’m a permanent resident, you’re probably just some creep with yellow fever and a working visa.” The boy grabs the meal and turns away, heading to the checkout.

Erwin is speechless and forces himself not to stare while putting the pieces together in his mind. Probably one Japanese parent, one... American? Canadian? Didn’t sound British but definitely like a native speaker.

He’s excited, so fucking excited after touching his fingers, hearing his voice. Erwin wants to spank the boy’s pale ass until he drops the bad manners and knows nothing but begging, for mercy or more.

That night Erwin fucks his left hand two times, the boy’s voice, those grey-blue eyes constantly on his mind and he knows that he needs to see him again.

 

One day later, the boy doesn’t come and Erwin curses himself for even speaking to him, for scaring him off.  When his alarm goes off the next morning, he’s barely slept at all.

After work, Erwin can’t help but go to the store, he has to, even if he can only get a glimpse of the boy, it’s better than nothing - everything is dull, he’s so lonely in this country.

Grabbing a few snacks he gets lost in thoughts until a voice pulls him out, out of the sea he’s drowning in and his eyes are wide when they meet that cold gaze he missed so much.

“Are you deaf, old man? Creepy fuck.” Erwin swallows but his mouth is too dry to form words. He’s here, the boy approached him, he wants to reach out and touch him again.

“You come here often, and then you stare, you stalking me or something?” The boy’s expression is completely unfazed at his own accusatory question.

“No.. I’m..” Erwin doesn’t know what to say, because the truth is inappropriate. He’s probably at least fifteen years older than the boy and an obvious foreigner on top of that. Does that mean other people have noticed his behavior too?

“It’s okay, I get it, you saw my face and were wondering, right? If I’m a foreigner or not,” the boy concludes and hands Erwin a few packs of instant noodles. “Can you buy that for me? I’m kinda broke right now.”

“Uhm.. yeah, sure.”

“You look like you got money, share some.”

Erwin pays for everything and they leave the store together - the boy reaches into the bag and gets his ramen, snatching one of Erwin’s snacks with a grin.

“See ya tomorrow.”

Erwin’s gaze follows him, the boy wears jeans that day, but they are ripped and the sight of soft skin peeking through makes his own skin tingle.

 

They meet again the next day, Erwin pays for the boy’s groceries and gets a smile in return.

“また明日,” the boy yells as he’s already on the other side of the street, Erwin nods, giving an attempted wave. “Yeah, see you tomorrow,” he mumbles to himself reassuringly.

He will see him again.

Erwin jerks off after every time he meets the boy, it’s impossible not to, but he craves more, so much more... it's almost painful.

 

“What’s your name?” Erwin asks, handing over a full bag of groceries.

It’s raining and he quickly opens his umbrella - the boy stands closely next to him, outside of the store with darkness already wrapped around them.

“Levi,” the boy, Levi, opens a can of hot coffee and pokes Erwin’s chest. “Now you.”

“Erwin.” he makes sure to put emphasis on the pronunciation. Not _Irvin,_ it’s _Erwin_. Levi laughs and it’s the most beautiful sound Erwin’s ever heard.

“E-ru-vi-n,” the boy repeats playfully, poking Erwin's chest with every syllable. “Weird name, it fits you.”

Erwin wraps his hand around Levi’s fingers, swallowing them in his palm, and for the first time Levi looks up at him, flustered, while Erwin burns the image into the back of his mind. What a gift.

There’s silence but the heavy rain fills the space between them. Levi’s hand remains for a while before sliding down Erwin’s jacket.

“You should take me out to dinner tomorrow.” Levi presses the tips of his fingers into Erwin’s chest, earning him a “yes” to which Levi adds, “nothing fancy though, meet me in front of Lotteria, same time.”

 

Erwin assumes Levi means the fast food restaurant down the street, it’s still raining when they meet the next day.

Levi wears the pair of ripped jeans Erwin knows already, his shirt looks like it could fit Erwin. He doesn’t really understand fashion but Levi looks good, perfect to him, all the time.

Erwin orders two sets in very broken Japanese, Levi laughs at him but it doesn’t seem ill-intentioned, the way those eyes meet his own, in a gaze that seems unusually warm, makes Erwin feel good, Levi makes Erwin feel good.

He forgets work and loneliness, meeting Levi is the one thing he looks forward to, every day, every night when he spills hot streaks to the image of this boy, he aches to see him again.

They sit opposite of each other in a corner of the restaurant's second floor - no one really minds them and they start eating, Levi looks happy.

Now that Erwin thinks about it, Levi is skinny, not scarily so, but there’s not much meat on those skinny arms peeking out of the oversized shirt.

“Why did you choose fast food?”

“Huh? Uhm..” Levi adds seasoning to his fries and shakes the bag to distribute it, then he reaches in and starts talking and chewing at the same time, making Erwin wonder who taught this boy manners, or if anyone did.

“I don’t wanna go to some fancy place, fast food is good enough.” He takes a quick sip of his limited-edition tea, audibly swirling the ice cubes and Erwin swears he can see the way the boy is pondering his next words right on his forehead.

“If we spend all your money now, we might get into trouble later on so.. this is cheap, meaning you can take me here more often.”

Erwin has to check in on himself after hearing Levi’s reasoning. He wants to make this a regular thing? Wants to continue seeing Erwin?

“I see,” is the only thing Erwin manages to answer before taking a bite of his shrimp burger, Levi just grins.

 

They talk a bit more after they’re done eating, Erwin learns that Levi is actually 24, making him only twelve, _not_ more than fifteen years younger than Erwin, also that he lives alone in a small apartment, works part time at a clothing store and has dropped out of university because “he fucking hates it”.

It’s a little awkward when they say good bye, Erwin doesn’t want to let him go, not now, not ever. So when Levi asks for Erwin’s phone and puts his number in, it fuels his hopes of a quick reencounter.

Erwin decides to write him right away, as soon as he’s home, just to “give Levi his number”. The boy doesn’t answer, Erwin jerks off in the shower and goes to bed.

 

The next morning he almost doesn't hear his alarm.

There’s a message from Levi and Erwin reads it, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes ‘ _same place, same time_ ’ - the text gives Erwin enough energy to make it through the day, with a goal in mind, something to look forward to.

Work is more stressful than usual and Erwin doesn’t feel his best on his way out of the subway station to meet Levi in front of the same fast food restaurant. This time Levi orders and Erwin hands him the money, the boy digs in like he hasn’t eaten all day.

“Is this your first meal of the day?”

Levi stops halfway through his burger and wipes the corners of his mouth. He’s wearing makeup that night, Erwin can barely take his eyes off Levi’s.

“Uh.. yeah it is, I dunno, not eating saves money and I’ve got other stuff on my mind when I’m at work or at home.” He digs back in and Erwin nods, reaching into his pocket to hand Levi a few bills, the boy almost spits out his food.

“That’s fifty thousand yen, what the..?” He quickly takes the money and stuffs it into his jeans. “Thanks Erwin.”  
That’s rare, Levi barely uses his name but it makes him feel good.

Erwin doesn’t need the money anyway, his apartment and almost everything inside of it is company owned, he could use a car without paying for it, they even pay for most of his expenses for public transport, so Erwin keeps almost everything he earns for himself, nothing and no one to spend it on. Spending it on Levi sounds like a good idea, the boy needs it, it seems.

“Levi.” Erwin has stopped eating and brushes his fingertip over Levi’s knuckles, the boy’s hand is wrapped around his drink. Erwin can see that he squeezes it a bit at the contact, usually Levi is the one to initiate, but Erwin is burning for more, for anything.

“I want you to buy food with that money, can you do that for me?” Levi chews slowly and Erwin expects an insult and a smirk, what he gets instead almost makes him hard.

“Yes, okay." Levi nods quickly and then takes a sip of his drink, breaking the contact. He also doesn’t look into Erwin’s eyes anymore... interesting.

They finish their food and for once it’s not raining when they stand outside, Levi awkwardly drags one foot over the pavement, then finally looks up at Erwin. He misses it, when those eyes aren’t on him, but he likes the way Levi seems to be unable to hold his gaze sometimes.

“See you tomorrow..?”

"Yeah.” Levi looks up, catches his bottom lip between his teeth when he nods.

Erwin wonders if he’s doing that on purpose, but it doesn’t matter, the picture is for Erwin’s eyes and he will cherish it, will make him do that again, and again.

He waits as Levi leaves, when the boy is about to walk around the corner of the street, he turns and gazes back at Erwin once before he disappears.

Erwin doesn’t touch himself that night, instead he stands on his balcony and smokes, thinking about his life choices and if it wasn’t for Levi, maybe he would be better off dead on the pavement right beneath him. Messy and disgusting, everything he is now, just not as easy on the eyes.

 

From that night on they meet every day, attending the same place, talking, and Levi opens up a little more. They don’t meet on the weekends, Levi says he’s busy with work, Erwin wonders if it’s true but he knows that he needs to give him some freedom.

 

After almost two weeks of fast food, Erwin writes Levi in the morning.

 

_Good morning Levi, will you meet me in front of the store tonight? E.  
_

 

The answer is immediate.

 

_yeah, what about food though  
_

 

_I thought I could cook something, at my place. E.  
_

 

Erwin sees Levi typing and then there’s a pause, for several minutes until the boy continues.

 

_okay_

 

It’s all Erwin needs to get up immediately and pick up some dirty laundry, the only real mess at his place, before he’s off to work.

Somehow Erwin manages to leave five minutes early, he buys some of the fresh ingredients at a small store near his workplace, before meeting Levi in front of the convenience store where he picks up the rest and tells Levi to choose what he wants to drink.

Levi looks pretty, even prettier than usual. It’s a warm day and the boy’s shorts reach mid-thigh, the loose shirt covering most of it and his slim calves peek out of worn combat boots.

When Levi pushes his hair back, Erwin notices the row of piercings on his ear for the first time, they make his teeth ache with the need to bite the sensitive skin raw.

Levi chooses an odd looking juice and a beer, Erwin pays and they leave, heading in the same direction for the first time. The realization makes him giddy like a child.

“Is it far?”

“Less than a ten-minute walk.”

“That’s kinda far.”

“For someone who’s used to trains arriving minutely, that might be a long time I suppose.” Erwin grins and Levi frowns.

“Stop assuming shit about me, you don’t even know if I’ve lived in Tokyo my whole life or something.. I wasn’t fucking born here.”

“Oh?” Erwin looks down, Levi takes the bait and keeps talking.

“I used to live with my mom.. not here, not in Japan, then she- I dunno, then I had to move I guess, lived with my father but it didn’t go that well, doesn’t matter.”

Erwin sucks up every bit of information about Levi, deciding not to pressure him into opening up more, this was good enough for now. In return, Erwin gives a part of himself.

“I’ve lived here for about six months, before that I lived in Germany for almost eight years. Both because of work, so you were right with the assumption you made about me."

“Huh?”

“The working visa.”

“Ah.”

“But the yellow fever part isn’t true. I didn’t choose this country, could have declined of course, but it would have meant going back, back home I mean.”

Levi looks like he wants to ask more, but their arrival cuts him off.

“Not bad,” Levi acknowledges upon seeing the building from outside, Erwin smiles and guides him in wordlessly.

“Damn.. guess your company treats you well, huh?”

Erwin hasn’t been to a Japanese person’s home before, hasn’t managed to make any friends or acquaintances to even consider paying them a visit, but he knows that apartments, especially in central Tokyo, are rather small. Knowing that Levi gets paid only for a part time job makes Erwin wonder how the boy survives in the first place, but he doesn't want to push that topic now.

Erwin has a realization of _Levi in his apartment, Levi alone with him.._ The boy is so close and full of trust, Levi must trust him, must be lonely too. Why would he be here with Erwin, if he wasn’t?

There is silence between them, not in an odd way, it’s tension building as Erwin steps closer.

Both are still wearing their shoes, standing just behind the closed door but nothing draws Erwin further inside, instead everything pulls him toward Levi.

The boy gazes up, lips parted as if he wants to say something, but nothing comes, Erwin’s hand finds Levi’s cheek, the soft touch pulls a shaky breath from the his lips.

Erwin wants to take him apart, own every piece of him.


	2. Miss me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"The boy is driving him insane. Or he keeps him sane, he’s not so sure."_
> 
>  
> 
> Missing Levi makes Erwin's life dull and colorless, he wonders what he means to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check the tags again, I also updated the rating to "Explicit" - just to be safe.
> 
> Another chapter from Erwin's perspective, next time we might see the world through Levi's eyes.
> 
> Again, no beta-reader, please excuse the mistakes.
> 
> If you want to influence me or have a question, please visit me on tumblr: [tsukareta-levi](https://tsukareta-levi.tumblr.com/)

The privacy of Erwin's apartment is enticing but his hand drops from Levi's cheek to hang loosely at his side. The boy swallows audibly and they take off their shoes in silence. Erwin wears his own slippers and gets unused ones for Levi. There are a few pairs of them in a small closet nearby, intended for guests Erwin thought he’d never have, but now Levi stands right in front of him.

He shows him around, tells Levi to ‘feel at home’ at which the boy sinks into the comfortable sofa, gazing up at Erwin.

“So, you can cook?”

“To say it like that would be a little exaggerated.” Erwin puts away the groceries and takes off his suit jacket, followed by his tie, then he rolls up the sleeves of his white button-down shirt, feeling Levi’s gaze on him. He meets it without words, Levi’s eyes drop in response.

“Can you?”

“What?”

“Can you cook, Levi?”

Erwin stands behind the sofa, Levi leans his head back and grins.

“I can pour boiling water over noodles, I don’t even have a fucking stove, just an electric kettle and a microwave.” Laughing, he stretches his arms over his head, now on each side of Erwin’s hips, who grabs Levi’s upper arms and the boy freezes.

“No wonder you’re so skinny,” Erwin’s says as his hands swallow Levi’s biceps completely and he swears there’s a whimper when Levi tests his grip and pulls a little, realising he's unable to move.

“Problem with my body?” Levi looks offended but there’s something rather hurt in the way he asks.

“I didn’t say that, you look fine, you look-” Erwin searches for words and decides there’s no point in hiding his honest opinion. “Very attractive. I like your body. It’s.. perfect.”

His grip loosens and Levi wriggles out of it quickly, leaning forward immediately but Erwin doesn’t miss the pink tint over the boy’s cheeks.

“I’m hungry, can you cook now?” Levi mumbles through clenched teeth and Erwin knows there’s no reason to apologize, instead he answers lightheartedly. “Sure, come and help out.” Levi follows him into the kitchen.

After cutting vegetables Erwin fries the chicken while Levi skillfully handles the rice cooker, it’s making all kinds of gentle beeping noises and the way the boy concentrates on measuring and making sure everything’s right is an endearing sight.

The meal is nothing special, but neither of them complains. They sit at the surprisingly small kitchen table, Levi talks about work and Erwin’s ears perk up every time he mentions a co-worker.

Erwin wonders, is Levi even gay? Or bi, just like himself? Straight? No, absolutely not, there's no way.

When they’re done Levi thanks Erwin for the meal, some manners seem to be present in that boy, Erwin just waves dismissively.

“No, I mean- for everything, dinner, groceries..”

“Oh, you’re welcome.”

“Helps a lot.”

Erwin smiles, his chest warm and a little tight at Levi’s words. He feels like it’s his turn to open up more, but he likes the way it is, likes hearing about Levi, knowing things about him, seeing him speak, the way his lips form the words and how he catches his bottom lip between his teeth, again and again.

 

“Do you smoke?” Erwin asks while putting the used dishes into the sink.

“Sometimes. Kinda expensive, but if you pay, sure.” Levi’s lips curl into a half-smile and he follows Erwin to the balcony.

It’s already completely dark outside, the air is chilly and humid, making Erwin’s shirt cling to his skin while Levi’s just seems to loosely flow around his skinny body.

Erwin takes a drag and hands over the cigarette, wanting to pull Levi in by the neck to fill his lungs with the toxic air from his own. Just then the boy dampens his lips and wraps cold fingers around Erwin’s wrist, pulling it toward himself.

Levi is definitely not straight, Erwin decides.

Those pale eyes lock with his and time stops. When Levi’s lips disconnect, his hand lingers for a moment and Erwin wants to be like the smoke flowing from the boy’s lips.

Wants to fill his lungs.

Warm him up.

Poison him.

Own him.

Levi doesn’t stay long after that. Erwin thinks about offering to take him home, but he can’t think of any appropriate reason, so he takes him downstairs instead where they say good bye. Again in public, and a little awkward. This time Levi nods in an attempted bow and Erwin feels like he’s missed a chance.

Will I see you tomorrow?

_I need to know when._

 

The next morning Erwin wakes up with a headache, showering and coffee help a little and he almost drops his cup when his phone buzzes.

 

_i’m sick, a cold or something_

 

Erwin curses himself for not wrapping his jacket around Levi and taking him home.

 

_Do you need medicine? A ride to the doctor’s? E._

 

Erwin would use one of the company owned cars to take Levi anywhere he needed to be, but unless the boy tells him his address, there’s not much he can do.

 

_no, a friend’s bringing over medicine, just means i won’t come to the store for a few days_

 

A friend? What kind of friend? Erwin’s grip tightens, causing a faint cracking noise from his phone.

 

_I see. Please tell me immediately in case you need anything. Money, a ride, company, whatever it is. Get well soon. E._

 

Whatever anger rushed through Erwin’s system until that point, it all dropped, leaving the same red tint on his face, but a completely different feeling in his guts when he receives Levi’s next message.

 

_got it, daddy_

 

Erwin checks the clock in his kitchen, knowing he needs to head out soon, very soon, but not before jerking off into the sink. Because now everything he can think of is a feverish Levi, with flushed cheeks and glassy eyes, plump lips forming “ _got it, daddy_ ”.

The boy is driving him insane. Or he keeps him sane, he’s not so sure.

 

Erwin doesn’t hear from Levi for several days. His fingers are aching to type something out, but everything he can think of sounds pushy and intrusive. Levi is sick, and he will get in touch as soon as he’s well again... Erwin keeps telling himself that.

 

More days go by and despite the urge to count them, Erwin doesn’t, because that would be creepy, wrong, weird.

Things he doesn’t want to be. He’s not a creepy kid anymore.

 

The next weekend comes, while Erwin’s time at work seems to stand still, looking back it is rushing instead. One day is like the other, everything’s grey.

Just like before.

Before seeing Levi for the first time.

 

Saturday night it’s pouring and Erwin sits on his sofa in sweatpants and a shirt, his eyes glued to no specific point outside, just letting the rain drops fall through his gaze. The accompanying noise makes him drowsy.

He ignores the first knock at his door, unsure if it was the TV or something outside, at the second knock he stands, quickly shuffling over to check what’s going on.

It’s 11pm and outside stands the only one he wants to see, the only face he wants to caress, now dripping wet, eyes bright and rimmed red gaze up at him.

“Levi-“

“Sorry, I know it’s late, uhm.. I- was in the area and.. I mean, I just wanted to check on you, I-“

Levi’s eyes are unfocused as he speaks, Erwin cuts him off by pulling him inside. The boy’s hoodie is completely drenched. Suddenly Erwin's mind is so clear, the drowsiness is gone and he’s focused.

“Take that off.” The tone of his voice doesn’t leave room for discussion, Levi’s attempt at a reply is almost inaudible.

“I-“

Not being given much of an option, Levi complies by raising his arms for Erwin to pull the hoodie off, just to reveal an equally soaked shirt beneath that.

“Levi, what the hell..? Did you _walk_ here?”

The boy doesn’t answer, instead delicate hands gather the hem of his shirt and pull it up after a moment of hesitation. Erwin wants to catch it before it drops to the floor, but his body doesn’t move.

He just stares.

The noises surrounding them seem to vanish into nothing and Erwin’s eyes are greedy, knowing no shame.

His.

All of him, he wants it, wants him.

Pale, soft, Levi’s small... God. So small.

A slight curve from waist to hip. Thin skin, blue and purple veins, these colors suit him so well. Erwin wants to add more.

“C-cold-“

A whimper pulls him back to the reality of the situation. Fists clenched tightly, Erwin has to make an effort to relax them, to instead hold the soft towel he gets from the bathroom to wrap it around the shivering boy.

He’s swallowed with ease and Erwin gently dries Levi’s hair, his shoulders, brushes the towel over his flushed face until the droplets stop falling from the tip of his pointy nose.

Erwin wraps the towel around Levi’s upper body, holding it in place on his back as he pushes him toward the bedroom.

“Please take off your jeans, they’re just as wet as the rest,. Erwin rummages through his closet to pull a simple shirt and a pair of fresh sweatpants from it.

“Here, I’ll wait outside so you can cha-“

Erwin’s eyes linger on two different layers of bunched up fabric around Levi’s ankles, the towel right behind him on the ground.

“Levi-“

The boy lifts his arms. Erwin’s peripheral vision catches that move, because he’s still staring at Levi’s feet.

It’s Levi’s choice. Levi undressed, Levi stands in front of him like this, he wants him to look, wants to be seen by Erwin... so he sees him.

Pale legs, one of his knees is a deep red. Did he slip and fall outside? Erwin can’t make out any dirt on Levi’s bunched up jeans, but Tokyo’s streets are ridiculously clean, this doesn’t tell him much.

Thighs.. Oh..

Erwin inhales sharply, the urge to touch Levi is unbearable, but the distance helps him to prevent mindless actions. The boy is vulnerable now, it would be wrong.

You don’t do that.

He wants to fuck him, Erwin wants it so badly and his greedy gaze rests between Levi’s legs, sees him shamelessly and completely bare.

Levi’s small cock is pink, soft and uncut.

Erwin wants to taste the head of it, wants to push his tongue beneath the foreskin, hear the small sounds the boy would surely make, continue until whimpers become moans and moans become screams.

Fuck.

He’s staring, blatantly staring, so Erwin forces his gaze up, over very short, dark hair drawing a faint line up to Levi’s navel, not quite reaching it. Erwin’s seen the soft chest, the pink nipples he wants to dig his teeth into, suck them raw.

Hairless armpits lead to the inside of pale upper arms – flawless on the right, painted by straight, red scars on the left. Erwin thinks he understands and doesn’t mention it, not as Levi stands before him with his head bowed, waiting, still waiting, saying nothing when he’s cold, when his knee must hurt, his arms must be tired, he stands and waits for what Erwin gives him.

So he gives.

The big shirt falls effortlessly over Levi’s lithe frame at which the boy looks up with the deepest tint over his cheeks Erwin’s ever seen.

He steps into the legs of the sweatpants and has Erwin tying a tighter knot at the waistband to prevent it from slipping off his narrow hips.

Feet are covered in socks the boy can pull up mid-calf and to top it off Erwin throws a sweat jacket over Levi’s shoulders.

“I’ve worn that yesterday, it’s-“

“It’s fine. It’s.. good.” Levi cuts him off and pulls the fabric tighter around himself. The move makes Erwin wonder if Levi wants to be hugged, would it be too much?

He’s just seen him naked, but it was an odd intimacy, not a lighthearted one. More like a shy reveal of something forbidden that can’t be touched, shouldn’t be sullied by Erwin’s hands. But he wants to stain him, leave his marks inside and out.

So Erwin pulls Levi against his chest, wraps both arms around him, knowing the boy can hear his heart racing, he holds him.

Levi’s arms remain wrapped around himself but he makes no attempt to break the contact. He melts further against Erwin’s body and they stay like that for way too long until Levi’s hurt leg is twitching at which Erwin lets go, slowly.

He can read his face, can see how tired he must be and Erwin would be a liar to claim it doesn’t fill his chest with pride to be the one Levi came to see, to be the one to be given this gift.

They don’t talk that night, Erwin lays Levi down in his bed, pulls the blanket over his body and when he wants to leave the room he hears “ _no_ ”, sees a small hand peeking out of the blanket so he stays, right next to Levi to sleep on top of the blanket after staying awake for hours just to stare at the boy’s face.

In his bed.

His boy.

 

Erwin doesn’t leave Levi’s side all night, wakes up to check on him, only to find a completely still form. So scarily still that at one point he reaches out, needing to feel warm breath flowing from between slightly parted lips and only then he can close his eyes again.

 

It’s bright outside, the Sunday morning brings an almost cloudless sky and Erwin turns, squinting at his window, Levi shifts in response, mumbles something inaudible before peeking open one eye.

He looks adorable, sleepy and gentle.

“Morning..”

“Good morning, Levi.” Erwin gives him a little smile, the boy’s expression doesn’t change, he only presses his palms against his face, rubbing the sleep away.

“Did we fuck?”

Erwin’s taken aback by the question but finds it fitting Levi’s usual character, he’s glad the boy seems to feel better.

“No, we did not.”

“Oh..”

Oh? Did he expect Erwin to make a move? Did he want him to? Erwin pushes away a quick wave of doubt.

Regardless of Levi’s feelings and putting his own desire for the boy aside, Erwin has made a decision, the right one. Despite wanting to do all kinds of despicable things to his boy, the tears and pain he aches to cause him need to be desired, need to be asked for and wanted, needed. Otherwise it's not what Erwin desires. He would rather fuck his own hand only for the rest of his life, than to cause Levi distress. The thought disgusts him.

Erwin doesn’t pick up the topic again, instead gives Levi room, wondering if he remembers asking him to stay at his side.

 

The breakfast is nothing unusual, at least not in Erwin’s eyes but it might seem a little odd to Levi.

Ever since Erwin discovered that department store, Mitsukoshi, carrying a variety of European goods, all kinds of bread and even German sausages, his breakfast usually consists of exactly that. It’s what he’s gotten used to, and while Erwin certainly appreciates Japanese cuisine, eating food he knows well, in a city he still feels out of place in, like he doesn’t belong, just helps him to start his day with a sense of things being right just the way they are. It’s right that he’s here and not somewhere else.

Levi is here, in Tokyo. He’s in his kitchen.

Looking drowsy and a little disheveled Levi slumps onto the chair at the small table, eyeing the various breads and sausages.

“Fancy, feels like I’m at a hotel or something.” He inspects a French cheese and Erwin can see the wariness in the way Levi holds it.

“It’s tasty, just give it a try." He smiles and takes out two cups. “Tea, coffee?”

“Tea, black, if you have that,” Levi answers quickly and puts down the cheese, now looking quite content.

With coffee for himself and black tea for Levi, Erwin sits down across him, stirring milk and sugar before starting to eat.

Levi’s caution vanishes quickly, causing Erwin a warm feeling as he sits at home, eating so casually with his boy, but there’s still something he wonders, and while he knew better than to pester Levi about it yesterday night, he can't just ignore it.

“Levi.” Erwin almost swallows his name with a sip of coffee but the response is quick.

“Yeah?” The boy looks up from his third slice of bread nearly falling out of his mouth, again Levi’s odd mannerisms are showing but it’s not the time to correct him.

“I want you to tell me what happened.” Erwin takes another sip before adding, “completely drenched and in the middle of the night you knock on my door, why?”

Why mine? Why not someone else’s?

What am I to you, Levi?


	3. Let me in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Shh,” Erwin presses his lips to the shell of Levi’s ear, “it’s okay, it’s okay Levi,” then his fingers comb through the back of his hair, gentle and caressing, “I got you, I’m here.”_
> 
> Levi tries to understand what he wants, it's hard, demanding not only Erwin's patience but his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter from Levi's POV, meaning the writing style is different and we learn a little more about his thoughts and feelings, I hope you enjoy that - but don't worry, we will see more chapters from Erwin's POV soon.
> 
> Again, no beta-reader, please excuse the mistakes.
> 
> If you want to influence me or have a question, please visit me on tumblr: [tsukareta-levi](https://tsukareta-levi.tumblr.com/)

 

Levi chews the bread, chews it until there’s almost nothing left of the original consistency or taste, then he swallows and takes a sip of the black tea – tastes good – but how is he supposed to answer Erwin’s question?

“Levi.. did you hear me?”

“Y-yeah."

“Please tell me why you showed up at my place – at night, and in a state like that.”

Shit. This tone, the way Erwin demands it really gets to Levi. It’s not that the man’s demanding anything unreasonable, or that he treats Levi condescendingly – he never has. Levi just doesn’t know how to say it.

“I.. wanted to see you,” he drags the words like it’s true but only the surface of the reasoning behind it, Erwin seems to catch on right away.

“I wanted to see you too, Levi. But I believe there’s something you’re not telling me. If you really feel like you can’t trust me with it, I will accept that and just hope you’ll come to a point whe-“

“I couldn’t be alone, had to see someone.”

Erwin’s expression is warm, it’s always like that – why the hell does this guy always look at Levi with those damn blue eyes, all observing and interested, never judging. It’s so clear that Erwin’s not satisfied but he doesn’t press for more, which is exactly what brings Levi to continue.

“Sometimes,” Levi’s gaze drops and two fingers start picking at a small, almost healed scratch on his arm, “I do dumb shit when I’m alone.”

Erwin has stopped eating, chin resting on one hand while the other is just there – on top of the table and Levi desperately wants to reach out and take it, to feel the warmth - something strong to hold him, to steal caresses and press kisses onto the knuckles, fingers to hold and lick and swallow, god – he wants those hands on himself, inside of his body.

“My father sent me a letter,” Erwin’s brow quirks at Levi’s words and he could almost feel the weight of the explanation he now owed, simply by starting this topic.

“I.. used to live with him, here, outskirts of this fucking city. When I was younger,” Levi feels torn, wants to make it short but make Erwin understand, at least a little, “my dad’s Japanese, mom’s Canadian. I never was the kind of son they wanted, especially my father never really seemed to.. like me.”

The hand on top of the table turns and Erwin opens his palm, offers but doesn’t demand and Levi almost misses it – then cold fingertips find that warmth, are surrounded and encased by an unknown sense of security.

Just a little more, Levi wants to offer more of his story, more of himself, “he knows I’m gay, but.. it’s not just that, it’s everything about me, he’s disappointed with.”

Levi’s gaze meets Erwin’s and it’s nearly startling when the man speaks, “it’s okay Levi, you gave me a lot, there’s no need to push yourself. I believe I can fill in the blanks enough to be supportive, if you want me to be.”

Erwin’s hand tightens around Levi’s before shifting a little to interlace their fingers.

There’s more, so much more to say but Levi is exhausted, it’s exhausting to know that you’re not what your parents wanted, what anyone wanted, a disappointment to the world with no purpose and no direction. Levi’s scared.

He quickly pulls his hand away from Erwin’s, leaving obvious hurt – more disappointment Levi caused – on the man’s face.

“Sorry, I- sorry,” he needs to get out, Levi needs to go home, to get away, away from Erwin.

This isn’t what he wanted, this is more than groceries and dinner, this isn’t casual and unimportant – it’s too much, too real.

“No.”

Levi already stands, still in Erwin’s clothes, on his way to the door, mindless and without a plan but running away is all he knows – leaving before he fucks it up even worse and everything turns to shit.

But not this time.

Erwin is quick, Levi flinches as he’s suddenly right next to him, taking hold of his wrists before Levi can pull away.

“Let go!”

Erwin doesn’t.

“Fucking let go you bastard, fucking asshole!!” Levi yells, pulls, but Erwin’s fingers don’t move, then he looks up, looks at the man’s expression which lets a shiver run down his spine – not in fear, it’s something else, something Levi doesn’t know well.

“Do you really want me to?”

“What?!”

“Do you really want me to let go, Levi? You don’t, do you?”

Levi doesn’t pull anymore, brows furrowed at the audacity – who the fuck does this guy think he is? What the hell?

But-

He is right.

Levi doesn’t.

Doesn’t want him to let go - please, don’t.

“Fuck you, fuck you Erwin,” he pulls his arm back once before letting his head hang low, desperately trying to keep his composure, this is embarrassing, ridiculous even – standing in someone’s home, Erwin’s home, in his clothes, yelling and throwing a fit like a child.

Levi starts crying.

The tears are silent but his body is trembling, Levi knows trying to hide this is futile, Erwin’s still holding his wrists – he knows the man can feel him shaking beneath his hands.

Levi’s knees give in but they don’t hit the ground, he doesn’t fall, instead he’s picked up. Erwin’s hands aren’t around his wrists anymore, his arms are wrapped around Levi’s body, pulling him up, until he’s standing – no, further – until Erwin’s carrying Levi in his arms.

He shifts once, something in his mind tells him to get down, to not let someone hold him like that, see him weak and messed up, fucked up – there’s no resistance left. Erwin’s arms aren’t demanding, they’re protecting – don’t limit Levi but make him feel free, free to show himself, what’s inside, what’s ugly and imperfect.

Don’t look.

Don’t judge me.

“Shh,” Erwin presses his lips to the shell of Levi’s ear, “it’s okay, it’s okay Levi,” then his fingers comb through the back of his hair, gentle and caressing, “I got you, I’m here.”

Levi’s fists are tight around the fabric of Erwin’s shirt, wet from tears – he’s still sobbing and the patience Erwin gives him, the silent acceptance almost makes it worse because Levi doesn’t deserve this – has done nothing in his life to deserve anything.

Erwin carries him into the living room, cradles Levi in his arms as they sit on the sofa. He coos against the top of Levi’s head, against his cheek “good, good boy, Levi..” 

-

They sit for hours, Erwin holds him, doesn’t ask questions, Levi tells a bit more – about his family, his father, it’s not much he offers - he knows – but he has learned to be careful, shouldn’t even sit with Erwin like this, but he needs to, feels like he’s able to breathe for the first time in years.

When Levi leaves, Erwin looks at him like there are a thousand unspoken things on his lips, his eyes full of an emotion Levi can’t read – he’s bad at that, reading people’s emotions, gets it wrong often.

Levi tells him that he needs time, tries to make it clear that this is on him. He’s the failure, the flawed one – Erwin’s perfect, successful, handsome, kind.. the list in Levi’s mind is endless.

-

Despite knowing that Erwin would have taken him home, Levi goes on his own, keeps Erwin’s clothes on and takes his offer to have him washing the ones Levi was initially wearing that night.

Levi can feel the people looking at him, doesn’t know if they are staring because he’s _half_ , or because he’s wearing severely oversized clothes – as soon as Levi closes the door, he feels better. He’s left a part of him with Erwin, something he can’t handle on his own, something that builds up over time and Erwin seems to be able to bring it under his control, Levi’s monster.

 -

He turns on the TV, let’s the colorful animations of the weather forecast lull him into numbness as he drops onto his futon.

Levi let’s his hands run down the clothes he’s wearing – Erwin’s – he takes off the sweat jacket and smells it – smells like him – clean, warm. He presses his face into the fabric, hands back on his own body, rubbing his inner thighs, then his cock and he’s completely hard – fuck.

“Erwin..” Levi closes his eyes, rubs himself through the thick sweat pants. He zones out, the TV is gone and he’s not in his apartment, he’s pressed against Erwin’s chest, completely bare, hears the man’s praises - _good boy_ – he wants to be good, yes, yes, please.

“Fuck,” Levi’s ass feels painfully empty but he’s too impatient now, there’s no time to get out any toys and so close to the edge one finger isn’t enough.

Levi comes with Erwin’s name on his lips as he sullies the pants he’s given him.

Disgusting – but Levi feels good, light and unlike himself.

He strips and thinks of sending Erwin a picture of the mess he’s made but quickly abandons the idea – it would be too much, inappropriate – what if that wasn’t the kind of relationship Erwin wants, what if Levi had messed up with his breakdown.

The warm water of the bath washes some of his doubts away.

After bathing Levi eats – food he’s bought with the money Erwin gave him, overwhelmed by a dreamless slumber shortly after.

-

Erwin doesn’t write him the next day, or the day after that – Levi tells himself that it’s his own fault for saying that he needs time, when in reality he doesn’t know what he needs.

Levi wants to run, and he wants to stay, to come closer.

Wants to be free and have no choice, no say at all.

-

A few days go by. Levi works a lot to stand in for a sick co-worker, this makes it easier to ignore his own mind, or so he thinks, until Erwin’s scent and face and his dumb voice creep up and stay, haunt him all day long and at the end of the week, Levi’s desperate.

-

Friday night, Levi throws the empty plastic bowl of instant ramen into the trash and drops back down onto his futon. It’s 10pm and he feels like he’s suffocating, but going out isn’t on his list of possible actions – noise and people are the last things he needs, or can stand right now.

Instead he grabs his phone – no messages, no calls, which is good, with one exception.

He starts typing.

_Hey Erwin I_ \- no.

_Are you busy, old cre_ \- what the fuck is he doing, this is ridiculous and Levi wants to punch himself for having the social skills of an inanimate object – though those at least keep their damn mouths shut instead of insulting the one person who gives a fuck about them.

_i miss you_

 

Levi almost drops his phone, startled to see the quick answer.

_I miss you too, Levi. E._

_you can drop that ‘E.’ shit i already know who you are_

 

He smiles at how weirdly formal Erwin is, and even though he makes fun of him for that, really, it’s pretty cute. Erwin’s cute.

 

_Well, I’m glad you haven’t forgotten me._

 

Was that a complaint? His stomach turns at the thought.

 

_do you wanna come over?_

 

Levi presses his palm to his face, afraid to read the response but his curiosity makes him peek through his fingers to see Erwin typing.

What takes him so fucking long – trying to figure out how to say ‘no’? How to tell Levi that he’s not interested in a mentally unstable adult who disturbs him at night to-

 

_I’d love that, thank you, Levi._

 

The sound Levi makes is embarrassing and he’s thankful that no one’s around to hear it.

After sending Erwin his address Levi quickly checks his apartment – realizing how pathetically small it is compared to the one Erwin’s living in. Kitchen, living room and bedroom are all cramped into the one room he’s currently standing in, at least the bathroom's separate and he even has his own washing machine, which is good. Looks like he has his shit together. Adults have washing machines, right?

Levi feels a bit of panic rising in his chest, everything’s clean but the sense of inferiority in his head isn’t affected by that at all.

No – it will be okay.

Erwin will be kind, he always is.

-

Levi’s wearing a shirt as a dress, Erwin seems to like his legs, he’s noticed that early on. Some black on his waterline and a lip tint will do – another thing Erwin seems to like, red lips – Levi puts on a little more.

Suddenly the room feels stuffy, he opens a window and welcomes the cold air of the night, soothing the burn on his cheeks but not the one in his heart which is fueled by a knock on the door.

Almost stumbling over his futon Levi makes it to the door with a few steps, opening it slightly, just to be safe.

“You never told me that you live so close to the store,” Erwin smiles down at him and Levi’s mouth is dry – Erwin looks handsome, casual, in a way he's never seen him before.

The man’s wearing black jeans and a white shirt beneath- a leather jacket?

“And I didn’t know someone like you owned a fucking leather jacket,” he chooses as the first thing to say to Erwin after several days without contact – great idea. Erwin doesn’t seem to mind, instead he laughs and leans down, pressing a kiss to Levi’s forehead.

“Are you crazy? Come in if you wanna do shit like this,” Levi pulls him in by the collar and slams the door shut, “don’t need the nosy old shit next door to see some creepy old foreigner kissing me in front of my apartment”.

“Really? This is what you’re worried about?” Erwin just grins, shaking his head, “I didn’t think you’d care so much about other people’s opinion.”

“With things like these it’s different,” he leaves it at that, signals Erwin to take off his shoes and offers him slippers.

“Not sure if these will fit your gigantic feet, you’re tall as fuck,” Levi smiles at Erwin’s attempt – they clearly do not fit, at all.

“I guess socks will do, yeah, honestly I usually wear thick socks instead of those things,” Levi wiggles his toes, showing off with the intention of drawing Erwin’s gaze to his bare legs - which works.

It’s like that blue gaze burns up his shin over his knee and then lingers on his thigh - covered by fabric barely reaching half way.

Erwin takes off his jacket, eyes never leaving Levi’s body.

Fuck. Levi feels tense, the size of his tiny apartment is forgotten.

There’s no room in his mind for anything but Erwin and the man seems to know, sees right through him and picks Levi up. He feels one of Erwin’s arms wrapping around his back, the other lifts him under his ass and his back hits the wall – pushing a gasp out of Levi that is swallowed by Erwin’s lips.

He whimpers and Erwin devours that too, holds him tightly pressed against the wall, kneads his ass through the thin shirt dress and pushes his tongue past Levi’s lips.

He can’t think, Levi can’t think at all when his legs wrap around Erwin, pulling him closer, causing that sweet friction on his cock.

Erwin’s kisses are rough, passionate, he demands and Levi gives, opens wider, lets him in.

Hands are on broad shoulders before he hears a growl, feels it against his lips, “hands above your head,” Levi complies immediately, can’t question his decision, it feels natural.

Giving in, opening up, letting Erwin take what he wants to take.

Levi wants to be taken, now.

“Ah- Erwin.. fuck me, please..”


	4. Break me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Erwin’s afraid._   
>  _That they fuck and it means goodbye, that this is how Levi wants it._   
>  _But he can’t stand that thought._   
>  _What is there for Erwin to live for in this city other than Levi?"_
> 
> They get closer, physically, mentally, it's scary, true colors start showing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay - I wasn't feeling my best and struggled with that chapter quite a bit, I hope you enjoy it regardless.
> 
> Erwin's POV, no beta, as always.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks, it's really motivating and means so, so much!
> 
> If you want to influence me or have a question, please visit me on tumblr: [tsukareta-levi](https://tsukareta-levi.tumblr.com/)

 

Erwin’s hands on Levi are relentless, pushing him against the wall as they kiss deeply, passionately, leaving his mind hazy. This is everything he’s wanted from the start, to touch that boy, feel his body, to hear him asking for exactly that. Why does it feel wrong now – incomplete?

Erwin tastes him once more, pushes his tongue past Levi’s again, sucks the plump curve of his bottom lip before he breaks the kiss.

Levi whines, lips red and parted, waiting, asking for more, inviting Erwin again but he refuses. Instead his hands around the boy’s body soften and he slowly sets him back down.

Erwin can almost feel how wobbly the boy’s knees must be. Levi’s hands drop and he’s looking at him in disbelief – before there can be doubt, before Levi can worry or complain, he decides to speak.

“Not like this,” one finger curls beneath Levi’s chin, prevents him from looking away because Erwin knows that’s what Levi wants to do now – at least the boy can’t try to run this time.

“I don’t know if you’re still upset, I don’t want you to do anything out of obligation or distress or-“

“Shut the fuck up! You come here, fucking kiss me where everyone could see and now you’re rejecting me?”

Erwin can see how upset Levi is and really, the boy is right. Who is he to decide that for him? Who is he to question that desire? His reasons are selfish. Erwin doesn’t question Levi out of true care for him and his feelings, but because he’s afraid.

Erwin’s afraid.

That they fuck and it means goodbye, that this is how Levi wants it.

But he can’t stand that thought.

What is there for Erwin to live for in this city other than Levi?

Nothing.

“I’m sorry Levi, I-“

“No! What the fuck are you scared of Erwin?! I’m the one running to you, I’m the one asking you for shit, I need you, it’s not the other way around, so why the fuck can’t you see that I really want this, I-“ Levi’s tone changes, gaze dropping, a careful hand reaching to wrap around Erwin’s wrist, unable to encompass it fully.

Erwin lets Levi kiss the palm of his hand, lets him graze his teeth over the skin, feeling the boy’s breath against it, “please, please… daddy,” he asks with hopeful eyes.

Then Levi tries to drop to his knees but Erwin catches him with a stern expression that dissolves into warmth right away.

“You decide that you want it – I decide what you get.”

“F-fuck.. yes,” Levi holds himself up and his eyes follow Erwin.

“Good boy,” he grins, kneels down and Levi leans back against the wall.

He’s so beautiful, his boy, he’s flawless in Erwin’s eyes. Every scar, every mark, perfect.

Despite of having to look up at him, taking a position at the boy’s feet, Erwin feels strong, fully in control. It gives him purpose, tells him he’s doing it right, doing something right.

Levi looks flustered, expectant, Erwin sees his chest rising and falling quickly – it’s adorable.

The touch starts at Levi’s calf, Erwin’s fingertips press into the softness, massaging, blunt nails grazing the skin. Levi makes a small sound and his palms are flush against the wall behind him – Erwin smirks approvingly and continues his exploration.

The back of Levi’s knee is delicate and warm – the boy chuckles when Erwin brushes over the spot – the sound is angelic in his ears and it belongs to Erwin, he owns it.

Levi’s thigh is slim but the curve is delicious and inviting. Leaning forward Erwin pulls it closer, grabs it forcefully – both hands encompass it with ease as his lips taste the skin.

“Lift your dress,” Erwin growls against the inside of Levi’s thigh. The boy complies, revealing his half-hard cock restrained by light blue panties.

“You’re so beautiful Levi, I can’t take my eyes off you.”

“Don’t be a fucking sap,” Levi’s counter is weak, a poor attempt at masking the desperation Erwin can see in his eyes.

“Watch your mouth,” he grins and the soft threat melts into the milky surface of Levi’s leg which Erwin decides to hold up at an angle. He can feel his own restraint crumbling with every dark mark he sucks, with every bit of skin his teeth claim – causing Levi to gasp softly and his smaller cock to harden quickly.

“Ah- please,” Levi’s hips thrust forward, Erwin’s hands on his thigh squeeze a warning.

“Please what?”

“Touch me..”

“Be precise, boy.”

“Touch my cock, please,” Levi’s knuckles around the hem of his dress turn white and Erwin wonders if he’s always like this, responds to other men in that way or if it’s different – special with him. He’ll make sure it’s special, will give Levi what he needs, everything and more because that’s what Erwin needs – to give, to be needed, wanted, depended on even.

The thought of other men stings in his chest – Erwin hooks his fingers under the light blue fabric and pulls down the last layer, leaving his boy bare again, but this time hard and begging for Erwin’s attention.

Levi smiles when his panties bunch up around his ankles, but Erwin is cruel, deliciously cruel.

“Take off your dress and turn around.”

“W-what?”

Erwin doesn’t wait for Levi to follow – hands on his hips, he makes him face the wall, cheek pressed against it and Levi barely manages to get rid of his clothes.

“Keep your hands on the wall, if you don’t, I’ll stop immediately, do you understand?”

“Okay,” the response sounds more like a careful question but is good enough for now – Erwin thinks. Levi already seems overwhelmed with what he’s doing to him, but this will need correction later on.

The boy leans his upper body closer against the wall, giving Erwin better access to admire his ass – he doesn’t waste time.

His hands run up the back of Levi’s thighs, making the boy shudder, causing a smug grin on Erwin’s lips. He rubs the soft skin of Levi’s plump ass admiringly, there are two tiny moles, one on the boy’s left, one on his right cheek – Erwin kisses both, falls in love with the sight.

Levi looks over his shoulder, “the fuck are you doing,” he asks with an obvious pink hue painted over his features, teeth clenched. Erwin only smiles, understands where Levi’s foul words are coming from, so he spreads those cheeks open, reveals the boy’s pink entrance to kiss it once.

“You shave your whole body, hm?”

“Problem with that?” Levi snarls but his expression reveals insecurity to Erwin, he wonders if Levi knows how easy it is to read him.

“No, not at all.. I’d love to do that for you, one day,” he breathes against Levi’s exposed skin, makes him squirm a little and there’s no answer to Erwin’s proposal. Maybe it’s too intimate, maybe Levi hates the thought – no, Erwin’s sure he will allow it, but for now it doesn’t matter, so he concentrates on what’s important – giving Levi pleasure, making his boy feel good.

It’s a desire that’s almost scary, more than sexual pleasure – Erwin wants to be the reason for Levi to feel good, to let go, to smile, to be happy.

He shakes his head once, smirking to himself and his ridiculous feelings, then their eyes meet and something between them is more, more than before, suddenly so intimate and Erwin tastes him, licks a wet stripe over the boy’s hole.

“Fuck-“ Levi throws his head back, pushes into the contact – Erwin’s hands on the boy's ass dig in bruisingly, tongue prodding, pulling more delicious sounds from Levi’s lips.

He continues the relentless treatment, sees Levi’s hands twitching, seemingly eager to touch himself but Levi stays in control of himself – for Erwin, because he listens and trusts – it’s what Erwin wants to think, and he’s right.

Soon Levi’s soft and pliant, his cock the opposite - hard, tip glistening, “god, please, Erwin- please,” Levi whines, teary eyed with fists pressed against the wall at the entrance of his small apartment.

“Tell me what you need, Levi.”

“Please, fuck me, please, anything–  daddy please.”

Erwin wants to – desperately wants to fuck Levi, bury his cock in that tight ass, feel him clenching around the thickness, whining and begging for more – but he holds back, again, instead wraps his hand around Levi’s cock, the boy jerks at the contact, pushes his ass back against Erwin’s face.

“Ah- fuck, fuck, thank you daddy,” Levi fucks the rough palm he’s offered, Erwin’s tongue still inside of him when he comes with a shout.

“Good boy, my sweet, beautiful boy,” Erwin praises, stands up and the boy turns to face him – what a mess, so pretty and for his eyes only.

Erwin lifts his hand, Levi’s eyes widen – is it shame? He wonders, tasting what his boy gave him

“Y-you’re fucking disgusting.. creepy pervert.. you-“ Levi keeps mumbling, shakes his head and laughs, then he tastes himself, sucks Erwin’s palm and fingers until there’s no trace of himself left.

The boy’s face looks like it’s burning, his eyes don’t meet Erwin’s – who’s hard, painfully so.

“Now let me take care of you, yeah?” Levi licks his lips, kisses Erwin’s palm, looks up through damp lashes but Erwin refuses, it’s enough for now - patience.

“Levi..” He has to, it’s unbearable like this, he has to find some kind of release – Erwin curses himself, didn’t pleasure his boy to force him to his knees but Levi already takes position – down at his feet, kneeling, waiting, hoping.

“Look at me, open your mouth,” Erwin’s fingers tangle in Levi’s hair, pull it firmly to force the boy’s head back – the other hand freeing himself of the restraining layers to reveal his cock, Levi moans softly at the sight.

Erwin’s unlike his boy – cut, thick – and he can tell that Levi likes it, wants it – what a wonderful boy, “oh Levi.. just stay exactly like that.”

There’s protest written over Levi’s expression but Erwin forbids him to move, cums quickly into his mouth and the boy swallows, greedy lips trying to find the head of Erwin’s cock – it’s all he grants him, saves them the clean up.

-

Levi shows him around, which is a matter of less than 30 seconds – Erwin loves the apartment – it’s Levi’s. There are a few CDs and video games he’ll have to inspect further at a later point because now Levi stands in front of him, awkwardly staring at his feet.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really, I already ate, but if you-“ Erwin’s cut off by a gentle interjection.

“No, I just thought.. that’s what you do, ask guests if they wanna eat something.”

“That’s what you worry about after what we just did?” Erwin smiles, Levi’s insecurity is endearing – a strong contrast to the way the boy usually speaks, his stoic expression and the foul words, but Erwin doesn’t want him to change. He wants him to bend every now and then, wants Levi to try, wants to push him, see what he can do, but never change him.

He wants him, exactly like that.

“Erwin.. why..” Levi’s tone pulls Erwin out of his thoughts, there’s worry, some kind of painful doubt in that voice – he can’t stand it, holds his boy’s shoulders in a gentle embrace, thumbs rubbing careful circles to calm, to ground him.

“Levi, what’s wrong, are you upset? Do you regret what we did?”

“No, you fucking idiot. I just,” the boy shrugs and Erwin worries – did he get it wrong? Did he not give Levi everything he needed?

“Why didn’t you fuck me? Why didn’t you let me suck your cock? I don’t get it,” their gaze connects and Erwin’s confused and relieved all at once.

Levi doesn’t have a sofa, so they sit on his futon, the boy curled up at Erwin’s side who rubs Levi’s back because he’s allowed to, despite of Levi being upset, he allows it, so Erwin’s thankful, happy even.

But he owes him, an explanation of something that’s not easy to unpack – he makes it short.

“Because I care about you, I wanted to make you feel good, concentrate on you and your body.”

Levi looks at him, thin brows furrowed, “don’t talk shit – I mean.. I believe you, I don’t get it but I believe you. It’s just that.. feels like you don’t want me to touch you, you know.”

Erwin feels a pang of guilt – no, no, that’s not what it’s like, it’s not true, of course he wants Levi to touch him.

Why can’t he say it.

Why can he not form the words to bring his boy relief, his poor Levi who thinks that Erwin doesn’t want to be touched by him, those soft hands, small and pale, gentle and eager. God. Erwin wants them all over.

What is it.

_Why._

“Levi…”

The boy pulls away, stares at Erwin with disbelief, “is that the problem, do you really don’t want me to fucking touch you? Is that some weird fetish for you, to control me or some shit?”

The realization hits Erwin with full force. Levi’s right, in a way.

That’s exactly it – he keeps the boy at a distance – an odd, one sided distance where Erwin keeps giving and giving, forces Levi into a state of dependency, without his consent.

Erwin’s horrible, he’s the worst.

_Disgusting._

“I’m sorry Levi, I-“

“No, I get it, yeah, okay - I know men like you.. you wanna control me, wanna make me beg you for money and sex.”

Erwin wants to reach out but Levi’s next words paralyze him, not believing his own ears.

“It’s okay… use me, I-“ Levi takes a deep, shaky breath, obviously trying to steady his voice, “I want it. Hah, god, it’s easy, isn’t it? With a pathetic person like me.”

Tears, unshed and glistening in the boy’s eyes – Erwin has to make it better, why can’t he? Why can he feel the panic in his chest robbing his breath, what is he so scared of?

Levi moves, shifts to sit closer to Erwin, pulls him in with icy fingertips on the back of his head.

“Just fuck me up, Erwin, break me, do you think I care, do you think there’s a place for me in this fucking city, in this shitty world? Use me, throw me away, I-“

“No.”

Erwin’s voice is sharp, cuts off Levi’s words – he’s found himself again, pushed his panic away, his fear – doesn’t accept it, can’t lose himself when Levi’s like this. Levi needs him.

Levi needs him.

“I will not throw you away, Levi, I-.. might break you, I believe you want me to, but if I do, I will put you back together, stronger, I’ll keep you intact, keep you safe – Levi, I’m with you until you push me away, until you tell me to go, until you really mean it.”

Erwin closes the distance between their lips, allows no answer but the way Levi melts into the kiss as their eyes keep contact, lost in each other.

_I will break you, and put you back together._

_I promise it, Levi, my love._


	5. Be mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"I want to be the one you come running to at night, through the rain, the one to hold you when you’re suffocating under the weight of the world, the one to see you cry and kiss your scars, to make it better, take you apart, build you up again."_
> 
>  
> 
> It's getting serious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erwin's POV, no beta. Next chapter we'll switch back to Levi's POV.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support in the comments and through kudos, or through whatever way you chose to contact me, it means the world to me and it's what keeps me going - thank you for reading and all the thoughtful feedback.
> 
> If you have questions/want to yell at me on tumblr: [tsukareta-levi](https://tsukareta-levi.tumblr.com/)

 

“Levi, Levi, shh,” Erwin holds his boy, cradles him in his arms and pulls the blanket of the futon beneath their bodies closer, wrapping it around Levi who’s now sobbing against Erwin’s chest.  
  
Levi cries, he cries so much, it’s painful and Erwin asks himself how many times he’s cried since they talked for the first time. How many tears has his boy shed without having Erwin close, to hold him, to promise him that it will be okay.  
  
If he’s honest, Erwin doesn’t really understand why Levi’s crying - Erwin never cries. But he understands that Levi must hurt, he’s in pain, Erwin understands pain and can feel every bit of it, whising he could carry that burden for the rest of his life, in return for Levi’s smile, his joy, or even just his peace of mind. It’s a good purpose to have, something he wants to live and suffer for.  
  
But he can’t.  
  
Yet he tries, even if it takes forever.  
  
Erwin’s arms seem to give Levi comfort, and when he tightens his hold, Levi goes almost limp, boneless and defenseless - and soon quiet.

Erwin can do that. He can make Levi calm down and support him, emotionally, financially. The realization of having a place in the boy’s life, something others are seemingly unable to give him, puts a grin on Erwin’s face – Levi doesn’t see it, has his face pressed against Erwin’s chest.

Good – because it’s inappropriate, Erwin shouldn’t smile at that, at Levi’s hurt helping him to get what he wants – to get Levi.

“Levi.. my sweet boy, look at me,” Levi flinches at the voice but looks up through damp lashes – the sight is gorgeous, Erwin kisses the boy’s thin brow.

“I want to make you better - feel better,” a bold statement, but Erwin thinks it’s what Levi needs, he needs someone who knows, who decides, gives and holds, “I want this to be more, I want more of you, want to get to know you better, want to give you more of me, too.”

Levi’s eyes are wide, the skin around them slightly puffy, tinted pink, and somehow - Erwin loves it when he cries.

“I can be there for you, just like I am now, I can pay your rent, your food, I can hold you when you’re hurting, I.. want to.”

_I want to be the one you come running to at night, through the rain, the one to hold you when you’re suffocating under the weight of the world, the one to see you cry and kiss your scars, to make it better, take you apart, build you up again._

Is Erwin allowed to think that way? Is it cruel? There’s no answer in his mind, he pushes the thought away and takes what he wants.

“Be mine, Levi, be my boy, let me be the one you need.”

“Yes,” Levi gasps, doesn’t blink, Erwin could have missed the response, so soft and calm – but it’s exactly what he wants, so he hears it loud and clear.

Yes – Yes, Levi wants it, wants Erwin – he’s good enough for Levi, for his little angel, his poor, broken angel - he’ll prove it.

“My good, beautiful boy,” Erwin kisses Levi’s forehead, then his lips, quick and innocent.

Levi’s so quiet, “do you know what that means, my love?” Erwin asks him, cups his face and Levi shakes his head.

“It means we have to talk about a few things,” Erwin’s sure Levi’s never been in a relationship like this, the boy hasn’t told him much, but Erwin’s good - at times even too good at reading people, unless his own doubts, his own pain, distorts the picture he’s seeing

Erwin has to be careful now, Levi is vulnerable, open and accepting, but he could still mess up, could be too demanding or overwhelming

“Hey,” Levi seems unfocused, eyes searching for something other than Erwin’s face, so he creates a small distance, pushes up Levi’s left sleeve and reveals the inside of his upper arm where he finds the red marks. The scars he’s seen that night. That night Levi came to see Erwin, to submit, to surrender, that’s what he did, they both know it, Erwin’s sure.

Levi wants to pull away, tries to - for just a second but they’ve done this before, Levi can’t and shouldn’t, and it’s the first thing Erwin demands.

“Let me see you, don’t try to run,” his voice is stern but kind, made for Levi's ears only. After fingertips feel the slightly raised scar tissue, lips follow, making Levi jerk a second time.

The grip is unyielding until Levi stops struggling, his boy doesn’t speak, just stares at Erwin, then back at himself, causing concern to rise in Erwin’s chest – is he taking it too far? Crossing a line?

He does it for Levi, he does it for himself, for the two of them – aren’t they happier together? Can’t they give each other exactly what they need?

“Do you really mean it?”

“Levi, what are y-“

“Do you even know what you’re getting yourself into? Why would you even care, what is it about me that you want, huh?! I don’t understand, I don’t fucking understand you, Erwin. What do you see in me, what is it?” Levi looks like he wanted to raise his voice, but his body didn’t listen, like he wanted to forcefully get the answers he’s looking for, but his voice didn’t obey.

“I want you. All of you..”

“But why-“

“Seeing your face, hearing your voice, it’s.. the only thing I can remember.”

“What do you mean?” Levi’s fingers wrap around Erwin’s biceps, press down barely, as if trying to push for an answer.

“Every day is the same. I can’t differentiate, every day is dull, nothing… you’re the only colorful thing in my life, everything you say, I remember it, all your details Levi,” Erwin lets go off Levi’s arm, traces the boy’s neck with gentle fingers, his jaw, sharp and delicate, his lips, a single line under his eyes, the speck of color in his gaze.

“Erwin..”

“You don’t believe me.”

“I- I can’t believe you,” Levi laughs and Erwin should be hurt, but he understands that it’s not his fault. These are Levi’s own demons, Erwin will fight them, and win.

“But you understand, don’t you?” He kisses his boys hand, nuzzles his cheek against it.

“Yeah..”

“Then give me one clear answer now, can you do that for me, Levi?” Erwin’s tone changes, knowing he can’t open up more, not right now, he needs to keep up his own protection, has given Levi more than intended, more quickly than he wanted. He’s the one to explore, to observe, needs to stay in control, wants Levi to be bare and vulnerable – only then, step by step, he can give himself over, never fully, but always enough.

“I- I can,” Levi nods, hesitant and tense.

“Do you want to be mine - no other men, no running away, no lies?”

Levi’s brows are knitted but the answer comes surprisingly firmly.

“Yes, I want to be yours, daddy.”

-

That night they agree on a few things – they’re exclusive, honest and talk things out. Erwin’s never been one to avoid confrontation, he prefers a painful talk or even a fight over a silent distance, over drifting apart.

He asks Levi about the relationships he’s been in, when Levi can’t hold Erwin’s gaze anymore, starts scratching his thigh absentmindedly, he stops and instead reveals part of his own story. About that time when the woman he loved chose another man – Erwin’s over it now and the faint jealousy in Levi’s gaze builds his confidence.

The last few years of Erwin’s life weren’t full of emotional hurt, instead they were painfully empty, even before Japan, even back in Germany, a country he knows, with a language and culture he understands fairly well, he was unable to find something to catch and keep his interest, a passion, a reason to get up in the morning. Something that’s not an obligation, not a job.

Boredom brought him where he’s now – training younger managers in his company’s subsidiary in Tokyo. Helping them to read people, to solve problems and make decisions. Things he finds easy at work, easy when it’s about others, when he’s the silent observer and the one in full control.

Now it’s about him – with Levi, it’s about them.

Erwin will take control.

He goes home that night, gives Levi money for rent and food, kisses him goodbye and even though it hurts, they need that distance, that small space to think clearly, because if Erwin stayed – there in Levi’s small apartment, next to his petite body, to sleep in his little bed, he’d forget himself, all his control and then he’d break him, push him too quickly, physically, emotionally, destroy what they are and could become.

-

Saturday evening Erwin waits at Akabanebashi station, it’s where Levi will arrive after his shift and Erwin hopes that it’s really going to be okay, that a date after a full day of work won’t be overwhelming for Levi, but his boy promised him to be honest, so Erwin trusts in Levi’s decision.

“Hey,” Erwin hears a soft voice right behind him, he had been lost in thought for a moment, staring into the distance, at their destination for the night – Tokyo Tower.

“Levi,” his first instinct is to lean down, to taste those sweet lips but they’re in public, out in the open, so he hopes that his gaze is enough to tell Levi what he wants – and with Levi’s gaze just as longing, there’s a faint satisfaction.

“You look stunning,” Erwin can’t help himself and pushes a few strands of dark hair behind Levi’s ear, revealing a row of piercings, not quite as silvery bright as the boy’s eye color.

Levi is so, so beautiful - Erwin’s drowning in his dark-rimmed eyes.

“I’m sweaty and gross, just fooling you with makeup,” Levi smiles, looks satisfied, takes Erwin’s words and leans into the touch just slightly.

“Let’s go, it’s Saturday, probably kinda crowded,” Levi leads the way and Erwin’s thankful because his eyes are on his boy, unable to pay attention to the city lights, to the people passing by, he sees Levi, only him.

“I know, I’m sorry but I really wanted to go there with you before I’m gone for a few days,” Erwin feels a little guilty, it’s bad timing but the business trip stands, and he can’t take Levi with him to Osaka, not without raising questions, which is the last thing he wants. People judging them, judging him, but worst of all – people judging Levi.

“It’s supposed to be romantic, have you been here before?”

“Of course I have, I live here.. but it’s been a while, many years actually, and going alone isn’t really fun,” there’s a hint of sadness in Levi’s voice, Erwin looks around quickly after a family passes by. They’re surrounded by trees on a dimly lit street – Erwin pushes Levi to the side, makes him stumble into the shadows.

“Hey, are you fucking-“ Levi protests but goes silent immediately when Erwin presses him against a tree, knee between Levi’s thighs.

“You’re here with me now, concentrate on me, on us, Levi, I’m here, I’m staying,” they kiss, Erwin claims Levi’s lips and swallows his resistance.

-

“Your lips are still red,” Levi stands on tip-toes and brushes his thumb over the stained parts of Erwin’s skin, “that’s what you get for kissing me in public, you pervert.”

Erwin kisses Levi’s thumb before they continue to follow the way leading up to their destination. More than 4,000 tons of steel, reaching over 330 meters into the night sky, illuminated in soft tones of yellow and white.

“They’ll change the colors soon, in autumn and winter they use warmer colors.”

“Does that mean you want to come here again, Levi?” Erwin smiles, lets his hand run down Levi’s back when they enter the ground floor.

“Maybe,” Levi shrugs but the blush accompanying his reaction tells Erwin everything he needs to know.

They get their tickets surprisingly quickly, Erwin pays. The first floor in 150 meters height is slightly crowded, but before Erwin can even try to keep Levi close, his boy has already hooked two fingers into the back pocket of Erwin's jeans.

This one time Levi seems to be the one to read Erwin’s expression, responding to a question that hasn’t been asked, “yeah, it’s okay, look around you, so many tourists, no one cares, daddy,” Levi smirks and Erwin swallows down a wave of need at those words, at his boy teasing him in public. It’s nice, nice to see his playful side, to see Levi seemingly relaxed after everything they went through yesterday.

They’re alike, much more than he’d thought. Erwin wonders if Levi knows, if he sees it like that too, but the fact that he’s here with him puts Erwin’s mind at ease.

“I wanna go to the look-down window!” Levi’s face lights up and he looks almost childlike.

“The.. what?” Erwin finds the answer to his question on the floor next to them, a see-through square in the ground offers an unhindered view down.

“Kinda creepy, I thought maybe now it wouldn’t seem as high as it did when I was younger but.. somehow it’s worse,” Levi stands at the edge of it, with Erwin right behind him. They’re lucky, the small group of people standing around the window just a moment ago seems to have found a more interesting sight, giving Erwin and Levi a short moment of perceived privacy.

“Take my hand,” Erwin steps onto the glass floor and gazes down, then back at Levi who appears hesitant but reaches out regardless. Holding hands out in the open is impossible in Erwin’s mind, and in Levi’s too - he knows - but this is ambiguous enough, simply supporting someone who’s afraid of heights, so they hold hands with nothing between them, nothing beneath them – Erwin feels free.

Levi’s hand is trembling, fingertips cold and Erwin’s sure he can feel the blood rushing through Levi’s veins after what he says next.

“Good boy, Levi, I’m so proud of you.”


	6. Hold me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I think I understand. Levi,” Erwin leans down, Levi feels his breath on the shell of his ear and shivers, “can you only believe me if I say it with my cock in your ass, boy?”_
> 
> Levi needs reassurance, a very specific kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update - the semester just started and there was a lot going on in my fandom and private life - I don't plan on abandoning this work but the updates might come a bit more slowly from now on. To make up for it this chapter is slightly longer than usual, I hope you'll enjoy.
> 
> Levi's perspective - please take the new tags as a warning.
> 
> Yell at me on tumblr, if you want to: [tsukareta-levi](https://tsukareta-levi.tumblr.com/)

 

Levi’s heart is still beating more quickly than usual when they’re on the way up to the next floor. They’re skipping shops and restaurants, for now, Levi knows they’ll come back, hopes they’ll come back – Erwin can’t be lying, can’t just leave Levi now.

The upper floor is less crowded and despite feeling like he’s able to deal with crowds of people quite well when he’s with Erwin, Levi feels relief, like a small weight was just lifted off his chest, letting him breathe more freely.

Everything is crowded in this city, cramped into small spaces, people on the streets, people in their apartments – Levi in his apartment, in his mind, it’s cramped, messy. Erwin brings order – makes Levi’s apartment appear more spacious, makes it easier to breathe, the closer he holds him, the more demanding his hands and kisses are. When Erwin steals Levi’s breath, he feels alive, free.

“Hey, Levi, are you okay?” Erwin looks at him with a worried expression, the smile playing over his lips barely visible but gentle enough to make Levi nod, to make him stop scratching the skin on his hand an even darker red.

“I’m fine,” Levi has no chance to attach his grip to Erwin’s belt loops again, instead his hand drowns in warmth, fingers barely offering enough space for Erwin’s to interlace. It’s a lot, this is a lot, almost too much but he can take it. Levi needs it.

Erwin guides him to a surprisingly specific window, stands with Levi between himself and the cold glass.

“Over.. there, that’s where I work,” Erwin points into the distance, a tall building – most windows are dark but the red aircraft warning lights on top of the roof blink soothingly.

“Did you look that up to impress me?” Levi grins, nudges Erwin with his elbow and feels a hand lingering on his lower belly. The touch burns hot, makes Levi feel tense inside and when the fingertips press down into the softest part, Levi sighs.

“Erwin..”

“Yes, Levi?”

They can’t stand here like this, can’t kiss, can’t be. Levi loves it, loves the lights, loves the darkness but no pretty view can overshadow Erwin’s eyes and his touch, Levi is aching for more.

Maybe he’s unthankful and pushy, but it’s been way over a month since they met for the first time – and Erwin gave him his clothes, gave him his money, his time, the tip of his cock and his cum and Levi remembers the taste, the feeling on his lips, the sight. He wants to kneel again, but even more he wants to be held, to feel Erwin’s touch on his skin, inside of him.

Levi turns in Erwin’s arms, leaves the city lights behind him to see something brighter. It’s hard to say, hard to ask for it because usually Levi doesn’t ask, others do. Men want to fuck him and he lets them – this man is confusing and scary because Levi doesn’t get him, doesn’t understand why he doesn’t fuck him or just leave, but he’s thankful, so thankful that he can feel Erwin’s warmth right now.

“Don’t leave me.”

Erwin’s eyes widen, Levi swears they’re too blue, impossibly blue.

“I told you I won’t leave you Levi, what is this about?” Erwin’s hand lingers on the back of Levi’s neck and before he can answer, Erwin smiles.

“I think I understand. Levi,” Erwin leans down, Levi feels his breath on the shell of his ear and shivers, “can you only believe me if I say it with my cock in your ass, boy?”

Fuck – Levi checks their surroundings, looks for people to judge them, to judge Levi, but no one looks, no one cares. When he’s with Erwin, it’s like there’s a shield, an invisible wall to protect him from shame and hurt. No one looks at him. Only Erwin.

“I’ll make sure you believe it, Levi, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”

-

It’s late when they leave – Levi feels uneasy, anticipates something he’s unusually insecure about. When Erwin pinned him against the wall in his apartment, it was like that too. It’s different – the men Levi fucked never made him feel like that – like he’s important, like someone cares.

They can’t hold hands openly but Erwin’s hand seems to find Levi’s body again and again, making him hope that those hands will always seek him out, that they’ll hold him down, restrain him, force him to stay even if he wants to run.

-

“This definitely is fancier than fastfood,” Levi chews the last piece of nigiri – it’s been a long time since he’s ate sushi that doesn’t come in a plastic box you can buy for a few hundred yen at the convenience store.

That store. Where Levi found him, or maybe Erwin found Levi – yeah, that’s what he wants to think. That Erwin was looking for him, has always been looking for Levi, and him only. Even when his father was disappointed, even when his mother got sick, even when she became nothing but a memory – Erwin was there, was looking for Levi, was looking out for him, from far away, unknowingly.

Even when Levi didn’t know how to escape his own mind and the fear, when he caused the red marks on his arm and bitter shame took over – no one cared, no one understood, but Erwin does, that’s why he’s here now – Erwin – _Erwin.._

“Levi-“ Erwin holds his hand on top of the table – Levi pulls away, checks if people are staring, “you’re spacing out a lot tonight, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m-“ He’s fucking this up, everything he’s offered, Levi fucks it up.

“I’ll pay, we should go.”

Panic wants to swallow Levi’s mind – he doesn’t want to go home – something’s wrong, he’s not himself, not the one he tries to be when he’s with others. Something’s on his cheek, it’s wet.

Erwin leaves money on their table, probably way too much, even for a rather expensive place like this, then he says something to Levi, something he doesn’t understand but Erwin’s body is close, very close, so warm, then they’re outside.

“Levi, look at me,” they’re right next to the restaurant, there’s not much light but enough for Levi to see what’s important – Erwin, Erwin’s eyes.

“You’re hyperventilating Levi, look at me, just look at me now, I’m here, everything’s fine, I won’t leave.”

What’s he talking about? Levi is..

“Erwin!” He can feel it now, he’s dizzy, the tears must make him look like a mess, but Erwin looks at him so kindly, like he’s beautiful.

“Levi, concentrate on me, concentrate on the way I breathe, can you do that for me? Please, you’re such a good boy, I know you can do it.”

_I can do it._

_I’m good, Erwin says so, it’s gotta be true._

“Yeah-“

Levi does it, is able to do it because of Erwin. Levi’s weak, a failure, Erwin gives him the strength to be better.

“You’re doing so well, let’s go home,” Erwin still looks at him so kindly, waits until Levi feels more like himself again.

“Wi- will you.. can I-“

“I want you to spend the night at my place, Levi. I have to get up early on Monday, because of the business trip, but I’d like you to stay with me tonight and tomorrow.”

Levi’s face is suddenly pressed against Erwin’s chest, staining his shirt with dark tears – he’s sobbing, Erwin holds him until he’s calm, calm enough for them to call a cab without attracting too much attention.

-

Back at Erwin’s apartment Levi finally feels like he’s able to breathe freely again – with just Erwin’s eyes on him, burning into his tear-stained cheeks, he feels good. Even the humiliation of being vulnerable feels pleasant – Levi doesn’t understand how, but Erwin tears down his walls, crushes his façade and embraces the ugly mess beneath. Cherishes it like something pretty, worthy of love.

“I’ll make it better, my love.”

Erwin’s shirt’s thrown over the sofa, Levi’s knees want to give in, “fuck,” he reaches out, wraps his arms around Erwin’s neck when he’s picked up – legs circling his hips.

They kiss, hot and burning, Erwin’s hands are everywhere, his teeth graze Levi’s jaw, his neck, he’ll devour him, Levi needs it. He’s weightless now, now that Erwin’s hands support him, place him on the bed that smells comforting, soft and warm.

“Fuck me, please,” Levi doesn’t let go, Erwin’s sitting between his thighs, looks down at him – hungry, loving? His hands disappear under Levi’s shirt, rub circles into his skin before removing the fabric to leave Levi bare.

“I will - try to relax, Levi, I’ve got you,” Erwin kisses Levi’s chest, sucks his sensitive nipples until they’re numb and Levi’s cock presses against his jeans.

Erwin’s beautiful. Not because of his toned chest or strong jaw – it’s everything about him, he’s observing and kind, treats Levi so well, fights Levi’s demons and his own.

Levi quickly kicks off his jeans, Erwin throws them to the side and unbuttons his own – the anticipation causes Levi to stare, to chew his lips, just as hungry as Erwin, just as full of desire.

“Wait here,” Erwin slides off the bed and drops his pants in the process – seeing Erwin so casual helps Levi to believe his words, his promises of letting Levi in, closer, giving him more.

He returns with a few things Levi can’t make out right away in the dimness of the room, he doesn’t need to strain his eyes, Erwin show’s what he’s got.

A rope.

And a blindfold.

“Ah-” Levi’s stomach tightens at the realization, he meets Erwin’s gaze, almost causing his blood to freeze in his veins.

Erwin mentioned this when they talked at Levi’s place, asked Levi about his past relationships until it felt like it’s too much – Levi almost forgot, almost forgot the need it caused, washed away by the stress of that night.

“G-Green.. yellow, red?” Levi asks before Erwin can form the obvious question on his lips.

“Very good, Levi.”

_Good._

He loves hearing this, Erwin’s the only one who says it, who ever told Levi that he’s good.

“Don’t worry, little one, we’ll go step by step.”

“I’m not worried I just, I-..”

“It’s new for you, I understand, I’m here. Now turn around for me.”

Erwin joins Levi to sit behind him, runs his hands up and down Levi’s back before pressing tiny kisses to the back of his neck – it’s so gentle Levi wants to protest and refuse, but he’s cut off by the pull on his arms as the surprisingly soft, black rope wraps around them. Part of him wants to see, to supervise what’s done to him but he trusts Erwin – trusts him when he’s told to hold onto his own wrists, when the rope locks his obedience in place – he chose to.

“You look beautiful,” Erwin ties a knot of some sort, Levi can feel it and tests the restraints – nothing moves, not even one bit. He’s calm.

“Erwin,” Levi cranes his neck to look at him, the posture feels unusual, slightly exposing, Erwin looks at Levi – he always does.

“Color, Levi?”

“Green.”

Erwin smiles, kisses the tip of Levi’s nose before stealing his vision by carefully securing the blindfold over his eyes – Levi’s world is dark but he’s not scared, as long as Erwin’s with him in the dark, he’s calm. It’s only scary when it’s bright, when he sees, when others see him, judging. When everything’s loud, overwhelming.

A strong hand on his neck guides him, pushes him down, chest flush against the bed, no support by his arms – Levi arches his back, hoping to please, to present what he wants to give Erwin, what he wants Erwin to take.

Levi searches for his anxiety, sees it far away, distant and unfamiliar – Erwin pulls him back into their reality with a slap, followed by a gentle sting on the back of Levi’s thigh. His panties are pulled down – by teeth? Erwin’s hands are on Levi’s thighs, he shifts behind him – the sound of fabric – Levi wants to see Erwin’s cock, knows he’s just undressed himself fully.

Exposed.

He can’t run, he can’t see, can’t cover himself up.

He’s free.

“Spread your legs,” Levi obeys and Erwin’s hands spread Levi’s cheeks, tongue finding his entrance, making him gasp once again until he’s soft enough for two fingers to spread him. Levi’s gone.

“Good, you’re so good Levi, just like that.”

Levi moans when the praise hits his ears, his heart, when Erwin’s fingertips brush against his prostate.

“Daddy..”

“Yes, my sweet boy?”

“Please, please fuck me.”

“Patience,” Erwin spanks Levis ass twice, hard, making him gasp, making him want more – so much more of that sweet sting – Erwin’s fingers curl inside of him. He knows Erwin’s right, knows he’s thick and it would hurt to have him enter now – but Levi can take it, wants to take it in an odd attempt to prove to Erwin just how good he is.

Another finger spreads him open, Levi’s lips stay parted by soft moans – he wants to see Erwin, wants to know if he’s looking, of course he is, but Levi wants to check, want to see if he looks pleased.

“Stop worrying, my boy, you’re doing so well,” Erwin’s hand follows the curve of Levi’s back and he shivers, not sure if caused by the praise or the way Erwin’s able to read him even now that Levi’s blindfolded and tied up, almost a mess and they’ve just started.

He tests the rope around his arms and is suddenly pulled up by his hair, feels Erwin’s breath against the shell of his ear, making him tense, then completely boneless.

“I’m going to fuck you now, Levi, you’re going to take my cock like the good boy you are, do you understand?”

Levi nods.

“Do you understand, Levi?” Erwin’s hand wraps around Levi’s neck, Levi chokes out a “yes, daddy,” and Erwin lines himself up, pushes the tip of his cock against Levi’s entrance, teasing it with his wet tip.

“Hm? Are you sure you really want it?”

Cruel, cruel in the sweetest way – Levi’s body is aching, has been waiting for this moment for so long, too long. He pushes his hips back, feels the hand around his throat tighten again, holding him up with ease.

“I want to hear you, Levi, don’t move - speak.”

“I.. want it.. wanted it for so long,” Levi can hear Erwin inhaling sharply – was that good? Was that something he wants to hear?

“I’ve touched myself,” it spills out of him before he can think.

Erwin’s silent for a moment, “what do you mean, Levi?”

“I’ve.. I’ve touched my cock, daddy.. when you gave me the clothes I- they smelled like you and I couldn’t help but think of the way you’d fuck me, the way you..” It’s embarrassing, Levi curses himself for even starting to tell Erwin these things but it’s too late – and the way Erwin’s voice runs down his spine tells Levi that he’s done right, that he’s been good.

“The way I tell you, that you’re good, Levi?”

He can feel Erwin’s cock twitching, waiting, painfully patient – Levi breaks.

“I want to be good, I want to be your good boy, daddy, plea-“ Levi’s words are cut off by a sharp burn that quickly melts into pleasure, stretched out, filled up with Erwin’s arms wrapping around his body, “f-fuck, ah!”

Full, so full, Levi breathes in, pressed flush against Erwin’s chest, feeling Erwin's heartbeat in his back, in tact with his own.

“G-god.. so- big..”

It’s hard to speak, all words are gone, falling out of Levi’s head and Erwin’s not even fully inside of him.

“Levi, relax, relax for me, shh-, you’re taking my cock so well – I know you can do it, just a bit more,” Erwin’s lips suck a deep mark into Levi’s neck – teeth finding his shoulder soon after as Erwin’s cock claims Levi further until it’s buried completely, leaving Levi fuller than ever, clenching around the girth.

“Good, perfect little angel,” Erwin coos with his final thrust to unite them completely, waits for Levi to calm down, to slowly relax around the intrusion.

Levi’s cock is leaking, bouncing against his lower belly when Erwin suddenly lets him sink back down, presses his hand into the muscles of Levi’s upper back, pinning him into the sheets without mercy.

“You’re mine, Levi,” Erwin pulls out almost completely, slamming his whole length back into Levi, making him wail, cry out in a way that seems unlike himself. Everything’s distant yet so intense, so immediate, Levi feels like he’s floating. Unable to see, unable to move – so light.

Erwin’s pace is relentless, one hand keeping a tight hold of the rope around Levi’s arms, the other digging bruisingly into the soft part on Levi’s hips.

This can’t take long – Levi’s cock is dripping and Erwin’s angle just right – or maybe it’s the mere thickness, filling Levi up so good that the angle doesn’t matter – he’s claimed in every position Erwin chooses.

Erwin pulls out, throws Levi around, pushes back into him when Levi’s on his back, legs folded against his own body – he wants to see Erwin’s eyes, he’s greedy, keeps the wish to himself. The new position allows Levi’s prostate no rest, making him cry out with each thrust – Levi knows he’s close, knows if Erwin wraps his hand around his cock, it will be over, he wants it, but he doesn’t want it to end, doesn’t want Erwin to pull out.

“Levi- you’re so fucking tight, god,” Levi moans loudly, maybe it’s Erwin’s voice, maybe the curse, something pushes him closer to the edge – Erwin’s hand wraps around Levi’s wet cock, strokes it barely and his body clenches around Erwin’s thickness – Levi's violently pushed over the edge.

“Daddy!! Ah-“ Levi cries out, milks Erwin’s cock – draws a deep growl from his lips, swallows half of it when their mouths connect to meet in a needy kiss.

“Hng.. Levi.. my sweet, beautiful Levi.. I'll never leave you.”

Erwin’s thrusts are shallow as they kiss and Levi devours him, eager to taste his lips, used hole sucking the cum from Erwin’s cock until he’s almost limp again.

They stay, just like that, sweaty, panting, Levi’s still tied up and blind, could fall asleep now and be happy forever, but instead Erwin pulls out gently, turns Levi over and removes the rope, gives him back the world around him – a world he didn’t miss.

A world that’s bearable with Erwin at his side.

A world he wants to live in, as long as he has Erwin.

As long as Erwin has him.


	7. Teach me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"So he lets it be. Tries to remind himself that Levi’s broken, tries to remind himself that it’s not his fault, but in the end, how can he truly know that he’s good enough to be with Levi, good enough, strong enough to give Levi what he needs. Maybe he’s wrong._
> 
> _No, he’s promised him, he’ll stay, it will be okay, but there will be consequences."_
> 
> Erwin struggles, he needs to stay strong even when he's hurt, wants to stay strong, for Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, many things are happening.
> 
> Erwin's perspective, no beta - as always.
> 
> Yell at me on tumblr: [tsukareta-levi](https://tsukareta-levi.tumblr.com/)

 

It’s been better than Erwin could have wished for – Levi’s reaction, the way he gave in so easily, pliant and accepting, open and soft under Erwin’s hands and gaze. Erwin can feel his cock stirring slightly at the picture in his mind, so he quickly straightens the jacket he’s thrown over his lap and brings himself to stare out of the train’s window, into the distance, where foggy trees lead his way out of the city. It’s early and the sky looks unpromising, heavy clouds weigh down Erwin’s mood, his mind and his heart.

He’ll be back next weekend, time will fly- no, Erwin knows this isn’t true. Time will stand still without Levi, it will paralyze him at night, force him into exhaustion by day – work, sleep, work, sleep – don’t think. Don’t think of his face, his voice, teeth on his lips, his hands and thighs and strands of hair falling into his eyes to hide the moon’s color because it’s Erwin’s, Erwin wants it, needs it, needs the pale light and-

The voice of a young woman right next to him cuts through Erwin’s thoughts. Her accent is noticeable but the English she speaks sounds clear, more confident than what he’s used to at his workplace. It’s admirable and talking to someone might calm his mind a little, help him to focus on the world around him instead of the painful longing in his mind.

Erwin notices his damp hands – his throat the opposite, too dry, making it hard to answer. The woman next to Erwin looks at him expectantly, her smile looks kind but concerned – the fact that she picked up on Erwin’s discomfort surprises him, usually he is the one to observe others but he doesn’t even remember her sitting down next to him.

It takes a moment for Erwin to clear his throat, the smile accompanies his response out of a habit when he tells her that he’s fine, just stressed because of work. She smiles and nods in approval, leaving an odd feeling in the pit of Erwin’s stomach. This is rare, unusual that a stranger, a woman that age would talk to Erwin – in a place like this, in a city where he has no one but-

Levi.

He sees her, hears her words and smiles at them but it does nothing. No one’s company except for his – Levi’s – can soothe his mind.

Erwin checks his phone after realizing that he and his new acquaintance have the same destination. No message, of course not, Levi is probably still asleep – maybe he’s dreaming of Erwin – what a silly thought.

-

Other than preparing a presentation for the meeting tomorrow morning, Erwin has the day off. The sky is still dull, covered by grey, unlike Levi’s eyes. The hotel room is small, suffocates him, unlike Levi’s apartment. Lying down on the bed is uncomfortable, unlike lying down next to Levi, on the bed, on Levi’s futon.

Erwin turns on the TV to listen to news he can’t understand, really it’s an attempt to drown out the noise of nothing, no one – something missing.

He takes a shower, finishes the presentation – time doesn’t go by, it stands still, then Erwin closes his eyes and it’s evening.

When Levi calls it’s like Erwin’s back, his mind is back, his thoughts, his life.

 

_“Levi, I’m surprised you called,”_ Erwin sits down on the windowsill and leans his shoulder against the cold glass.

 

_“Missed you, did you miss me too?”_

 

Of course Erwin did, he still does, looks for Levi’s face wherever he turns, hearing that sweet voice makes Erwin close his eyes, trying to make the image in his mind reality.

They talk for a bit, Levi talks about his day, everything’s fine until Erwin speaks, until he mentions the woman from the train. Erwin regrets.

 

_“So did you like her or what?”_

 

_“Levi, she’s a stranger, absolutely nothing happened, I have no in-“_

 

_“She’s at the same fucking hotel, are you kidding me? Just fucking tell me if you wanna fuck her, why the hell would you talk to her for so long in the first place?!”_

 

Erwin’s frozen. No. Levi’s getting it wrong, why can’t he clear it up? Why can’t he make him believe it? He has to be calm now, has to calculate his next step, this is dangerous. Unable to see Levi, to read his face and hold him, to reassure him – he’s insecure, they’re both insecure.

 

_“Levi, please, listen to me, I-“_

 

_“Have fun fucking her-“_

 

Erwin stares at his phone after Levi hangs up, runs away without running – Erwin’s powerless, can do nothing now. He knows Levi won’t pick up if he calls, knows Levi won’t react to his messages if he writes him. So he lets it be. Tries to remind himself that Levi’s broken, tries to remind himself that it’s not his fault, but in the end, how can he truly know that he’s good enough to be with Levi, good enough, strong enough to give Levi what he needs. Maybe he’s wrong.

No, he’s promised him, he’ll stay, it will be okay, but there will be consequences.

Erwin drinks a cup of tea and goes to bed, the next morning comes, the days go by without any contact between him and Levi – just as expected. Erwin thinks that Levi wants him to reach out, but he won’t.

It’s Levi’s turn.

Erwin will stay, will wait, and be there, but Levi has to learn – there are a few things Erwin will teach him.

-

The week is exhausting, mentally, Erwin’s not even working more than usual but having no contact with Levi is draining, he secretly hopes Levi feels like that too, not to harm him, but to make him realize and learn, to push him to take the first step. Erwin’s sure it will happen… he thinks.

-

When he returns to Tokyo the next weekend, all the fatigue seems to vanish, to seep into his muscles, turn into energy and push him forward, urge him to move. Erwin has neglected his workout routine since meeting Levi, but without him, there’s nothing to do on a Saturday morning, so Erwin runs.

Erwin never runs, he stays and endures, but he’s done that for too long, so he lets his legs carry him through parks and streets he doesn’t know, until the air bites his lungs and the sweat makes his shirt cling to his back. Then he runs further, and further.

It hurts and maybe that’s the justice he inflicts upon himself, for hurting Levi, for daring to talk to that woman, for not trying to call him after Levi hung up. Maybe the pain in Erwin’s muscles is the doubt in his mind, trying to force him to his knees, but Erwin won’t.

Erwin stops by at the store, gets a few snacks and spends the night on his sofa, watching movies until he falls asleep. When he wakes up it’s 4am, Sunday morning – Erwin opens the door to his balcony and smokes two, three cigarettes, observes the city lights and people walking by through the veil over his eyes and mind.

-

It takes another week for Erwin to find himself again, it happens Friday evening, when Levi stands in front of his apartment, head bowed – it’s perfect and all Erwin could wish for.

“Levi,” Erwin, still in the clothes he’s been wearing at work, looks down at Levi, beautiful as ever, looking less fierce than he can be, just as fragile as he is, appearing to drown in that pastel sweater. Erwin wants to fuck him so badly, but he can’t – he has to wait, has to stick to his plan to teach Levi, to pull him closer and prevent him from running again.

“I’m sorry!” It bursts put of Levi who now looks up at Erwin, brows knitted reluctantly, obviously not used to apologizing, visibly uncomfortable at the silence Erwin responds with.

Erwin waits.

“Erwin.. I’m sorry, really..” Levi steps a little closer, hands hovering over Erwin’s chest – Erwin who doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, maybe it’s a little cruel, but this works too well to stop now.

“I know, I behaved like a fucking child, I shouldn’t have.. shouldn’t have just hung up on you, I was jealous I guess, I.. thought you wanted to fuck her, I'm a fucking idiot, insecure and.. you- you haven’t done that right?”

Erwin reaches out at that, maybe it’s too early but he can’t take it anymore, needs to touch Levi’s soft face, lets his fingertips run over his boy’s skin and pushes his thumb between Levi’s lips, quick and shallow.

“Levi, you know the answer. You trust me, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do, I trust you, Daddy!” Levi takes Erwin’s hand in his own, rubs his face against the palm like asking for forgiveness, but Erwin has already forgiven him, all that’s left is teaching Levi his lesson to make it last.

“I.. want to show you that I’m sorry, Daddy..”

Erwin quirks his brow at that, upon seeing the glint in Levi’s eyes he withdraws his hand, ruffles Levi’s hair and invites him inside.

“I know, my boy, I know you will,” Erwin swears he can see a shiver running through Levi’s body when he closes the door.

“Are you angry..?” Levi holds onto Erwin’s belt loop – it seems to be a habit – Erwin leans down to kiss Levi’s forehead.

“I’m not angry. But it hurt me, Levi, that you accused me of something I would never do, something that wasn’t even indicated at any point. You were selfish,” Erwin’s hand drops to Levi’s shoulder and he can see a red tint of shame over Levi’s cheeks. It must hurt, must be humiliating to be the cause for someone else’s distress. Erwin knows that Levi is an empathetic person, tries to hide how much he feels behind a stoic façade – maybe he doesn’t even try, perhaps it’s just what life has taught him.

Erwin will tear it down – every single layer of it.

-

“Have you done what I asked you to do?” Erwin rolls up the sleeves of his white button-down shirt and sits at the edge of his bed – Levi stands in front of him, hands hidden inside of the sleeves of his sweater. He looks guilty, like a child, stubborn like a teen, but he’s an adult, making Erwin wonder if it’s right to treat him like this.

“Yes, Daddy,” Levi lifts his sweater, revealing his belly to show a faint line of dark hair not quite reaching his navel.

Erwin holds back the praise for now, which leaves an obvious frown on Levi’s face – it stings, Erwin can see it, but it will be over soon.

“Safewords, Levi,” Erwin demands as neutral as possible – no matter what they do, no matter how emotionally charged they are, he needs to keep them safe. He’s made mistakes – looking back – has let Levi swallow without making sure he knows that Erwin’s clean - which he is - has fucked Levi without showing him he’s been tested. Now they know it was fine, know there are no consequences, but he asks himself, is it Levi’s trust or his gullibility that’s pushed him into Erwin’s arms.

“Green, yellow, red,” Levi swallows audibly, seems to slowly realize the situation he’s in.

“Take off your clothes and come here.”

“Yes, daddy.”

Erwin observes Levi and every move he makes, waits for the pale pink fabric to reveal Levi’s upper body. His pants sit loosely and Erwin notices that Levi seems to have lost a little weight, he’s been skinny before so it’s worrying, they’ll talk about that later. Levi’s thighs are perfect regardless, would be perfect at any size and Erwin can’t wait to leave them pink and burning.

“All of it,” Erwin adds after seeing his boy’s hesitation before removing his underwear – showing Erwin that he went through with his request not to shave until Erwin’s back. The hair around Levi’s uncut cock is still quite short and black, his legs milky with soft looking hair on top of his thighs and stubble on his shins. It’s cute, Erwin didn’t know that he’d like it that much, but he finds himself wanting to touch every inch of Levi’s skin, to explore the feeling, to kiss and bite.

His boy approaches him slowly, on bare feet until he stands right between Erwin’s thighs.

“Both of us know.. that you seem to understand things better when I say them with my hands on your body, isn’t that right, my sweet boy?”

“That’s true, Daddy,” Levi nods and Erwin sees his boy’s cock getting harder.

Erwin adjusts his own position on the bed before pulling Levi in – the hand on his boy’s body is enough to put him into the new position, he’s willing, the softness of his body showing it so blatantly that Erwin questions his ability to restrain himself for the duration of the spanking.

He lays Levi over his knee, with the boy’s cock pressed against Erwin’s thigh and Levi’s left leg locked under Erwin’s right, his left hand rests on Levi’s neck, rubbing the skin gently but firmly.

Levi is squirming a little, wiggling into position, giving Erwin time to admire what’s his, to lean down and kiss the tiny mole on each of Levi’s cheeks, spreading them in the process.

As soon as Levi’s still, Erwin’s hand swats his pale ass hard, causing a quick, pink burn and a surprised yelp as Erwin’s reward. His boy turns slightly to look up at Erwin, lips parted, eyes dark in a silent plea for more, to teach him the lesson he needs.

Erwin stays silent, the hand on Levi’s neck pushing his face back down, holding him in place as Erwin continues – starts the assault, steadily building strength and impact. His palm crashes down on Levi’s cheeks and upper thighs, pushing gasps out of the small body – harder, harder each time until gasps become moans and moans become whines, pathetic whimpers.

They don’t talk, Levi’s cock is hard, staining Erwin’s suit pants with precum and as his boy starts rutting against Erwin’s thigh, he digs his fingers into the back of Levi’s hair, pulling him back sharply.

“Don’t fucking move, boy.”

Levi whimpers and freezes, the muscles in his free leg shaking from the strain.

“Just a little more, Levi, almost there,” Erwin kisses his boy’s ear, “now, grab your cheeks and hold them open for me.”

It takes Levi a moment to comply, Erwin gives him the time he needs, the time to let what’s going to happen next sink into his mind.

“Daddy..” Levi says it like he’s longing, asking Erwin for something, there’s no need to check in on him now, Erwin can read his boy easily, read the color of his face and the gaze he gives him.

Levi spreads himself open, presses his own face into the sheets.

“I’ve got you, Levi, we’re almost there, trust me,” Erwin’s left hand stays on the back of Levi’s neck, to support, as his right palm comes down right next to the sensitive entrance, causing the sweetest, most desperate mewl from Levi Erwin could have imagined.

Levi’s ass and thighs are bright red, Erwin paints the soft skin surrounding Levi’s hole in the same color, spanks him until Levi’s stopped shaking, until his tears have stopped and he’s warm and soft. It’s enough.

The boy’s fingertips are still digging into his own body, holding himself open just as he’s been told when Erwin starts talking to him, takes Levi’s hands in his own to allow him rest.

“Levi, Levi, we’re done, you did so well, my good, wonderful boy,” Erwin quickly cradles Levi in his arms, careful to avoid too much friction on his backside. Levi’s face looks relaxed, still unusually pink but his eyes are bright and clear as he gazes up at Erwin.

“Daddy..”

“Yes, Levi?” Erwin kisses Levi’s forehead, presses the small body against his own – he wants to hold him, hold him forever.

“I love you, daddy.”


	8. Tell me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Then say it.”_
> 
> _There’s a silence, surely just lasting a second but it feels like an eternity in Levi’s heart and tears start clouding his vision._
> 
> _“Say it, say it, Erwin, say it…”_  
>     
> Life is painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. I don't plan on abandoning this fic, but real life and mental health make the updates a little slow, I'm sorry.

 

Levi is embarrassed, horribly embarrassed about his behavior yesterday. Not only about his blind jealousy, but the way he submitted to Erwin, and the pathetic words leaving his lips after this man, who makes him feel wanted like no other, was done leaving the painful and hot reminder of forgiveness on his skin.

He didn’t respond, didn’t say a word and Levi is almost thankful because every word could have broken his heart, shattered it to pieces and stomped it until nothing’s left. His stomach turns painfully at the thought.

Levi slumps out of the empty bed and hears Erwin rummaging in the kitchen. He stays sitting on the edge of it for a moment, lets his legs dangle while his eyes get used to the brightness forcing its way through the curtains.

He hopes Erwin forgot. Knows he hasn’t, but somehow the thought is calming.

When Levi enters the kitchen, rubbing his thighs to battle the chill creeping up his skin, Erwin’s preparing breakfast.

“Good morning,” he smiles at Levi, kissing his forehead briefly before resuming to prepare a plate of cheese, sausages and vegetables.

Levi’s mouth is dry and the only response he manages is, “I like fish better” at which Erwin looks slightly confused at first, following up with a gentle smile, “then lets buy some tomorrow.”

Levi can feel his cheeks change color at his own awkward remark, when he sits down at the table, the fabric over his skin reminds him of a request he wanted to save for this morning.

“Can I shave? My skin feels kinda itchy,” he makes a lazy scratching motion next to his crotch and looks at the back of Erwin’s head. His hair is really light, there’s some grey in it but it blends in with the rest of the color, it leaves Levi wondering about how Erwin’s parents look.

“I want you to let me do that, Levi,” Erwin turns around at that and the gentleness is gone, replaced by an obvious hunger that makes Levi’s muscles tense for a second. The unusual request lets insecurity rise in Levi’s chest but he thinks he understands. So Levi nods in response and after breakfast and a quick cigarette they take a shower together.

Levi observes Erwin washing himself, the way the muscles of his back and arms move, stretch – he looks strong and Levi has felt his strength, when Erwin fucked him, when he embraced him.

“Should I-“

“No, let me. Just stay like this,” Erwin rinses the shampoo out of his hair – looking younger, almost adorable with the wet strands falling into his face. Levi pushes them back a little when Erwin kneels in front of him. Levi’s heartbeat quickens at the sight.

After lathering body wash in his palms Erwin signals Levi to raise one foot, forcing him to pay attention to keeping his balance. He massages his foot thoroughly – it tickles a bit but Erwin’s hands soon continue to move upwards, loosening the slim muscles of Levi’s calves and thighs.

Despite this kind of attention feeling almost worshipping, and Levi seeing how intently Erwin seems to scan every detail of his body, there’s no submission in Erwin’s action – it’s quite the opposite. Levi feels vulnerable, like Erwin’s gaze alone could see through his skin, could see his thoughts even, every shameful detail, every fear and hope – bearing such a feeling, something that would make him want to run and hide if it were any other man, is like a liberating rush in his veins. He’s safe.

After cleaning every inch of his skin with a patience that makes Levi’s knees feel soft and unreliable, Erwin starts shaving Levi’s legs. The feeling is a little odd at first but soon Levi starts enjoying the sensation.

“Is this your kink or..?”

“I wouldn’t call it a kink necessarily, no,” Erwin smiles up at him, “I’ve never done that to anyone before, it’s not really about the shaving, it’s about trust.”

“Trust? You mean cause you could hurt me with this thing?”

“That’s part of it, but.. it’s more about the intimacy. To look at you like this, to be able to feel you and see the way you react to my touch. I can see that you’re not used to this kind of attention, that’s what excites me.”

Erwin continues to shave the dark hair right above Levi’s cock, “and I can tell you’re excited too, isn’t that true, Levi?”

“Fuck,” Levi hates it, hates the way Erwin can say these things so casually and make him speechless in the process. He hates how much it gets to him, how little it needs to make him want to ask for more, to beg.

Erwin continues, tells Levi to turn around, bend over and spread his cheeks – Levi obeys until there’s no hair left and Erwin’s tongue explores the smooth rim – his hand jerking Levi’s cock until he’s drooling against the wall tiles.

-

It’s been a few weeks – weeks of going to dinner and shopping and Erwin picking Levi up after work. Of getting closer, more comfortable, feeling natural as two instead of one. Levi feels good – he thinks – since Erwin returned they haven’t fought again, he hasn’t tried to run and Erwin didn’t have to try making him stay. Levi stays, just like that.

They’re at Erwin’s apartment most of the time. It’s spacious and Levi enjoys spending his time at a place no one knows, somewhere only Erwin sees him, where people can’t ask for him, demand things. Where he can just be – be with Erwin.

The peace of mind this closeness gives him was unknown to Levi until now. It’s still scary, and might always be – because Levi knows that having things can mean losing them. At any time.

He’s happy, since that day. Since Erwin spanked him so hard Levi fell asleep in his arms right after. The memory is hazy but pleasant. It’s a little like Erwin changed since then, he’s always looked at Levi with that gaze, oddly kind and endearing, nothing Levi knew before – but now it’s like there’s more. Erwin kisses him, his cheeks, his nose, his whole body, whispers against his skin, holds him close. He’s protective and involved, makes Levi think what they have is serious. Very serious.

They also fuck more than before. It’s not that Erwin gives him a harsh treatment every time – instead he offers, provides for Levi before he even notices that he needs –something, Erwin. Maybe that’s why he’s so happy, maybe it’s Erwin reading him, always two steps ahead in Levi’s own story. Able to pull him to the side, tie him up, spank him, hold him down and force the darkness out of him before it can grow and swallow Levi whole. It’s addicting.

-

“Hey, you can do that later, come here,” Erwin’s sprawled across Levi’s futon, grinning up at him – it’s seductive, not in a sexual way. It’s a comforting sight instead, a chest he wants to melt against, an embrace he wants to be trapped in. If only Erwin could chain him up, make him stay forever – Levi smiles to himself and shakes his head.

“I can’t relax with dirty dishes around me, I’m not a fucking savage like you,” Levi turns back to face the plate in his hands, when he looks up Erwin stands next to him, steals a quick kiss before playfully biting Levi’s cheekbone, earning himself a slap in response.

This situation feels unreal, making Levi think it must be a dream. Like what he sees couldn’t possibly be reality – Erwin sitting in front of a small shelf, inspecting Levi’s collection of manga and video games.

“Wanna play that?”

“Huh?” Levi turns off the painfully hot water and sets the clean plate aside, squinting to see what Erwin’s holding up.

“Fuck, I should wear my glasses..”

“You wear glasses?” Erwin smiles, still holding up a video game Levi hasn’t played in years.

“And you play video games?” Levi responds, dries the plate and puts it away neatly.

“I guess there are things about each other we don’t know – yet,” Erwin smiles again, and as always, Levi’s chest feels warm at the sight.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Levi drops onto his knees to sit right next to Erwin, right next to.. his boyfriend, his- …the man he.. loves?

The realization hits him once again and Levi knows that Erwin can see the blood rushing to his face. Erwin’s fingertips are cold on Levi’s skin, soothing, just like the voice in his ear.

“Let’s play,” Erwin kisses the shell of his ear and smiles against Levi’s scalp.

“We’re still talking about the game, right?” Levi pulls on Erwin’s collar and sighs.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m.. happy,” Levi smiles, knowing it must look forced, because it is.

“Isn’t being happy something good?” Erwin asks almost innocently, running his fingers through Levi’s hair before giving him a concerned look.

“I think so. I- I mean, being happy, that’s what life is about, right?” Levi laughs and suddenly Erwin wraps his arms around him, so tightly that it’s startling.

“Levi, please. Allow yourself to be happy, stop thinking of happiness like it’s something only other people can experience. This is real, we are real.”

Levi wants to punch him, wants to yell at him and tell Erwin to stop reading his mind, to stop knowing him so well without Levi having to break himself open painfully, step by step.

“Then say it.”

There’s a silence, surely just lasting a second but it feels like an eternity in Levi’s heart and tears start clouding his vision.

“Say it, say it, Erwin, say it…”

He’s never experienced him silent like this, those bright eyes scanning Levi’s face as if they can’t believe what they see. As if Erwin can’t believe this request, and how dare he, how dare Levi to demand such a confession. How-

“Levi. I love you.”

Erwin’s palms run up and down Levi’s back and side. He smiles, and his eyes look clear, like water, pure and warm.

“I love you. I feel like a teenager, you’re on my mind all day, all night, seeing you is the only thing I look forward to- no, not like a teenager, I-.. I’m a fool, Levi. I’m just a fool and I’m in love and I want you, now, always.”

Levi’s heart is pounding in his chest, his hands carefully cupping Erwin’s jaw.

“What.. are you doing to me- I, I love you,” Levi lets his whole weight sink against Erwin’s chest, wanting to hide right there, forever.

They’re naïve, they’re foolish, their vision clouded but clearer than ever before. What justification do they need, what are the standards of love. Who’s to judge in a society of lonely souls, in a world of people struggling and searching for their own, personal reason to live. A reason to endure all pain, all doubt and the heaviness of consciousness.

It’s not the struggle of survival, it’s not hunting for food and search for shelter, it’s knowing that they’re no one, faceless, nameless and quickly forgotten to everyone but each other.

Levi knows there’s pain in Erwin’s heart, and he’d carry it if he could, because as long as Erwin holds his hand and steals his breath to give him life, Levi can endure, take it all.

“I didn’t know video games would make us so emotional, maybe we’re not ready to take such a big step-“ Erwin grins at a slightly disheveled looking Levi in his arms, brushing away a last tear.

“Shut up and start the game, I want to kick your ass for making me cry again,” Levi complains playfully and closes his eyes when Erwin’s lips meet the tip of his nose.

“I’m sorry, I’ll make you cry many times more, my sweet boy. But I’ll be there to hold you, I promise it.”

Something about Erwin’s promise warms Levi’s heart, something makes a chill run down his spine – the mixture of both is calming yet exciting. Levi presses his lips against Erwin’s and lets the tip of his tongue run over the corner of Erwin’s mouth.

“Yes, yes, please,” Levi begs and Erwin’s teeth catch Levi’s bottom lip, leaving a coppery taste that makes them yearn for more.

Erwin nods towards the TV, “if you beat me I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk for days.”

“And what if I lose?” Levi asks, slightly breathless.

“Then,” Erwin grins devilishly “then I’ll make you cry again, cry and beg me to touch your sweet little cock – but I won’t. Deal?”


	9. Stay with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Erwin has been generous with every part of himself since day one, in stark contrast to Levi who knows perfectly well, that it had taken him a long time to get comfortable with loving intimacy, and not just fucking. Emotionally unavailable – he’s read that online somewhere. But not anymore, no, he wants to give Erwin all of him, because with Erwin it’s safe. Erwin makes promises and never disappoints."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, have fun!

 

_“I understand your situation, Erwin, but you have to understand mine too.”_

_“I do, Darius, but this was supposed to be a long-term arrangement, I-“_

_“But it’s not part of your contract, is it? – You’re great at what you do, and I’m telling you Tokyo doesn’t need you anymore.”_

_“Then what about-“_

_“Neither does Osaka.”_

_“I’ve told you about my plans and that’s all you need to know, I’m not interested in discussing this. What’s keeping you there anyway? Did you find yourself a pretty little girlfriend? I thought you’d never-”_

_“Darius, that’s enough. I will think about it and get back to you.”_

_“…I understand. Good night, Smith, get some more sleep or whatever you were doing.”_

 

Erwin hangs up without a word, throws his phone to the side and takes a deep breath with his forehead pushed against his pillow. It’s 4am. He gets up, grabs a sweater to throw on while heading toward his balcony.

It’s gotten awfully cold, not as bad as it was back in Germany, but the thin sweater doesn’t do much to protect him from the night air. It’s filled with distant sounds of life as he lights himself a cigarette and takes a drag. His exhale is heavy in the cold environment, seeming to linger for too long, poisoning him. His lungs – his mind.

-

  _Let me spoil you tonight, baby boy._

_does that mean you wanna eat my ass daddy?_

_No, darling, I want to buy you things. Think about what you need and we’ll go shopping later, dinner at my place after that._

_you’re just saying that to make me suck your cock, old pervert_

_*daddy_

_Careful, boy. You’ve been sucking my cock for many months now, begging me to fuck your pretty face. I’m starting to think you like me._

_I love you, asshole_

_I’ll pick you up after work. I love you too, little one._

-

“Why do you wanna buy me stuff?” Levi crosses his legs and looks out of the car window. Erwin’s hand finds his thigh, resting there – heavier and warmer than usual, Levi thinks.

“No special reason. And I already pay your rent and everything else, why is this such a surprise to you?”

“Dunno. I know you make a lotta money but other than your fucking expensive suits and shit, you don’t really spend a lot of it – on random stuff I mean.” Levi glances over when the car stops at a traffic light. Erwin reaches for his jaw so suddenly that it’s startling, pulling him into a hungry kiss, all tongue and teeth, leaving Levi breathless and teary-eyed.

“W-what the fuck..”

“I love you my sweet boy,” Erwin breathes against Levi’s lips, licks the remaining saliva off before resuming to drive.

It’s confusing. Not that Erwin ever held back any affection or money, no. Erwin has been generous with every part of himself since day one, in stark contrast to Levi who knows perfectly well, that it had taken him a long time to get comfortable with loving intimacy, and not just fucking. Emotionally unavailable – he’s read that online somewhere. But not anymore, no, he wants to give Erwin all of him, because with Erwin it’s safe. Erwin makes promises and never disappoints. Levi is safe.

Outside of the car park Levi has the urge to take Erwin’s hand, to run his fingers over a warm and strong palm and just let him lead wherever. It doesn’t really matter to him. Things were different in the beginning, when all Levi could think of was Erwin’s money. Now his voice and eyes and hands are what doesn’t give him any rest, even when they’re away from each other.

Window shopping isn’t Levi’s favorite activity but Erwin seems to have a first goal in mind. Much to Levi’s confusion, they enter a little jewelry store, a hand on his back pushes him inside.

“Wait here for me. You can look around and buy something you like.” Erwin hands Levi his wallet, takes out just one credit card and then vanishes into the back of the store.

Levi stands there, confused and aware of how much trust Erwin must have in him. The realization of how obvious his devotion to Erwin is makes Levi want to hide the heavy blush on his cheeks.

“Fuck you, daddy..” Levi whispers, shooting a glare into the direction Erwin disappeared in.

He is lucky to find a small section of earrings and studs. Usually only being able to afford the silver-coated kind makes him take the opportunity to choose pure silver ones. They feel heavier and more valuable in his palms and just when he’s paying and the salesclerk hands him the change, Erwin appears with a stupid grin on his lips. Really, it’s not stupid. It’s so damn beautiful that Levi wishes he could stare at it forever.

“Did you buy something nice?” Erwin kisses the top of Levi’s head, making the cashier turn away quickly. Levi can see her shyly gazing back at them and her face must be an even darker shade of pink than Levi’s.

“Yeah.. thank you daddy,” Levi whispers, returning Erwin’s wallet. “And.. and you..?” His heart is pounding at the question.

“You’ll see later, my love,” Erwin coos, shoving Levi out of the store.

It feels relaxing to walk down the slightly crowded streets at Erwin’s side. Maybe it’s because he’s so tall and Levi can shield himself from other people by just walking one step behind Erwin. Or it’s the knowledge that no matter what happens, Erwin will take care of it – take care of him. Catch Levi if he falls, be it physically or mentally.

They go into a few stores, Erwin persuades him into buying clothes easily by saying things like “you’re so pretty”, “I want to fuck you in this” and “Levi, I love you”. It’s not just what he says, but how Erwin makes him feel, all warm inside and grinning like an idiot.

“I want you to wear that later tonight,” Erwin says, lounging in an armchair in front of the changing booth in the lingerie store. Levi turns around to face the mirror, warily observing the black lace on his skin, the way the garters cut into his skin, forming him gently. Suddenly Erwin stands behind him, rubbing the back of Levi’s thigh. Levi sees their reflection right before them. He’s almost naked, barely covered by sheer, black lingerie, Erwin is fully dressed in his perfectly fitting suit.

“You’re blushing,” Erwin teases, cups Levi’s jaw and kisses it lightly.

“Don’t fucking point it out,” Levi says in a way that makes it obvious he’s trying to sound abrasive, but all that comes out is a shy request not to humiliate him, to not point out how beautifully soft he feels in a moment like this.

“Get dressed baby, we’re buying that and then let’s go home.” Erwin squeezes the underside of Levi’s ass, slaps it once and sits back down to provide some privacy.

-

Back home, which means at Erwin’s apartment, Levi realizes just how much they spent and starts feeling a little guilty. Somehow seeing the amount Erwin is willing to provide for him in form of clothes and pretty things feels different than having his full costs of living paid for each month. Erwin is generous, and knowing that he’s not trying to buy Levi, because he already has him, makes Levi once more marvel at just how lucky he is. He’s not just a pretty thing to fuck – not that Levi thinks of himself as pretty - but Erwin actually cares for him, actually.. loves him.

Erwin is sitting on the sofa, scrolling through the menu of Levi’s favorite sushi place. “Let’s order some,” he suggests.

Levi walks up behind Erwin to wrap his arms around those broad shoulders. Head falling forward, Levi kisses the side of Erwin’s neck and nods.

“Are you okay, baby boy?” Erwin grabs Levi’s wrist and kisses his fingers, then he turns his head as far as possible, trying to see Levi’s expression.

“I’m just happy..”

Erwin smiles, puts the laptop aside to reach behind him and pull Levi over the back of the sofa headfirst.

“Hey!” Levi slaps Erwin’s chest, trying to sit up straight in his lap and strong hands on his hips help adjust his position.

“Did you just slap me?!” Erwin gasps exaggeratedly, poking Levi’s side to make him squirm.

“You beat my ass all the time, stop complaining!” Levi teases, wanting to counter-attack but Erwin throws him off his lap and onto his back, settling between Levi's thighs, starting to tickle him.

“What,” Levi huffs out, trying to suppress his laughter. “What the fuck- ha-how old are you?!” He laughs, trying to curl up, struggling to fight Erwin off.

“You’re at my mercy, baby,” Erwin stops and gets a hold of Levi’s wrists, pulling them up over Levi’s head as he leans down to kiss him hungrily.

“Stop that- ah.. shit eating grin,” Levi pants against Erwin’s lips, eagerly responding to the tongue exploring his mouth.

Erwin stops himself from devouring Levi right then and there, pulls him back into his lap instead, where Levi can feel Erwin’s cock, half-hard pressing against him from below.

They order more sushi than they could ever possibly eat. Sitting under a big blanket on the sofa they watch Levi’s favorite anime, cuddling and feeding each other every now and then.

“Thank you,” Levi says softly after leaning back with a satisfied sigh.

“Hm? For the food? No problem, my love.”

“No- I mean, yeah that too but.. thank you for everything.” Levi’s fingers draw circles on the blanket, Erwin stops them by taking his hand to kiss the back of it.

“No, thank you, Levi. For making all of this worth it, for giving me a reason to be here.”

“Here in Tokyo? I mean you work here so-“

“No, here, in general. You make my life worth living.”

Levi’s heart is pounding in his chest, blood rushing to his face but Erwin isn’t done yet.

“When I met you.. I was doubting myself every day, doubting my purpose.” Still holding Levi’s hand, Erwin brings it up to his face, nuzzling his cheek against the slightly damp palm. “Everything is worthless when I can’t experience it with you, share it with you.. I want to you to stay with me, Levi.”

“I will- I want to!!” Levi wants to hold onto Erwin but he’s already gone.

“W-wait, where are you going?”

“Don’t turn around.”

“Okay..” Levi waits with his back turned toward the direction Erwin vanished in, his hands become fists, pressed into the top of his thighs. “Daddy?” Levi calls out without really meaning to, but the nervousness is getting to him.

Suddenly he feels Erwin’s fingers on his neck, then something cold tickling the skin on the base of it. Instinctively he reaches up to feel the foreign object dangling off the slim necklace Erwin closes gently.

“Erwin..?”

Levi slides his finger through the silver diamond ring. It fits him perfectly.

“Don’t worry my boy, this doesn’t mean anything you don’t want it to mean.” Erwin sits down right behind Levi, wrapping his arms around his torso, leaving no room for him to escape.

“I want you to have this, no matter what happens. You can wear it the way it is or just keep it at home and sell it if you ever need money and I’m not around anymore.” Levi panics slightly at Erwin’s words, hating every implication of it. Noticing Levi’s distress, Erwin tightens the hold around him.

“But,” Erwin continues in a low voice, “if you decide to wear it on your finger, I will take it as your willingness to stay with me, to marry me, Levi.”


	10. Leave with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is blind in this moment, blind to the conflict and pain in Erwin’s eyes, the struggle of wanting to reach out, to embrace Levi and make sure he can’t vanish, just slip through his fingers and be gone. But Levi said it, told Erwin to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while...
> 
> Warnings for minor character death and mild suicidal ideation

The screen of Levi’s phone lights up again, causing nothing more than a twitch of his finger but there’s no strength to reach out. No strength to pick up and talk to Erwin or anyone for that matter. Levi’s lips feel like they’re sealed, less to keep a secret, more to protect himself from his own emotions, from letting things pour out that should stay inside and drown within him. Emotions, confusion, he’s lost.

He’s the eldest son, the only son.

“父はいつ亡くなったのですか,” Levi’s trembling voice had asked before the phone slipped out of his damp palm and his uncle’s voice sounded as distant as he had remembered it for years. When was the last time they talked, when was the last time Levi talked to anyone in his family, the people he’s related to. Erwin is his family now, Erwin is the one he chose, isn’t that how you do it? It’s what Levi want, to break all bonds and give himself to Erwin, fully.

Then why does he have to deal with this now, why does he have to feel sad and guilty and so fucking confused. He wants to leave this behind, all of it, just make it stop and never look back.

A week later, when Levi still hasn’t answered his phone Erwin stands in front of his door at night, knocks gently, and for one second Levi doesn’t just think about himself, he stops being so disgustingly selfish and realizes the worry he must have put Erwin through.

“I’m sorry,” he says, opening the door with his eyes downcast.

Erwin’s gaze falls onto Levi’s expression first, the delicate necklace holding the diamond ring next. Erwin’s fingertips brush along Levi’s jaw, down his neck until they rest on shiny silver.

“What happened?” Erwin asks calmly, and Levi wants to break down just then. He still hasn’t met Erwin’s gaze, but his voice is full and sweet like honey, something delicious and addicting Levi has deprived himself of, but the sound of it pulls him back in without mercy, reminds him why he seeks comfort and strength and love right there, at Erwin’s side. He’s a masochist, puts himself through this again and again, thinking this isn’t what he deserves, Erwin’s closeness, Erwin’s love. Knowing fully well it’s what he needs and all he desires.

“I was worried,” Erwin says, and Levi finds no accusation in those words, no blame and malice, only care and worry.

“I’m sorry, I’m-“ Finally, their eyes meet and before Levi can feel unsteady, can fall back into the conflicting, confusing feelings he’s been drowning in, firm hands steady him, hold his jaw angled up to instead drown in deep blue. The man he chose, the family he chose.

“Stop, don’t apologize, please tell me what happened, Levi. Can I come in?”

The way Erwin asks, the way he looks at him makes Levi feel like he already knows. Erwin must know he didn’t try to push him away just for the sake of it, he knows that this isn’t between them, Erwin trusts him that it’s something else, something outside of what they have. Levi knows that Erwin trusts him, for the first time in his life Levi can rely on that, can know that someone has confidence in his sincerity. Levi doesn’t run anymore, he didn’t run, instead he was paralyzed. By hurt, fear and confusion, overwhelmed by what life gives and takes.

“My father died,” Levi explains while handing Erwin a cup of tea and holding onto his own, sitting cross-legged next to Erwin on his futon. It’s the first time he said it out loud, Levi realizes. It doesn’t hurt, not physically, it rather sounds wrong and unreal, like he’s not the one saying it, nor the one experiencing it.

A big palm rests on Levi’s back, providing soothing warmth even through several layer’s he’s wearing. It’s been getting cold lately. Erwin pulls Levi close and wraps an arm around his shoulders.

“Levi… I’m sorry, my love. You know, if there’s anything I can do, financially or otherwise, tell me, please.”

“My family is very small, as you know, and saying they dislike me would be a fucking understatement.” Levi rolls his eyes in fake annoyance, or maybe insecurity, because how should he feel about them hating him. How could he ever let those feelings become his reality and eat him up from inside.  
  
“They know I don’t have money, I mean, I do because of you but, you know what I mean.” Levi pauses and takes a sip to relieve his awfully dry throat, the words come slowly, like he hasn’t used speech for far too long, it’s been too loud inside of his head for him to speak. But now, with Erwin, his mind is silent.

“I should have taken care of the memorial ceremony, should have at least contacted the undertaker but I guess they didn’t trust me to do shit. And honestly, I don’t fucking trust myself. Would’ve probably messed up.”

Erwin just sits and listens, kisses the top of Levi’s head, runs his fingers through Levi’s far too long undercut until Levi closes his eyes and his voice becomes just as silent as his mind.

“What is the next step? Is there anything you need?”

“I need you,” Levi blurts out. “You, and.. I want to go away, from here. Far away.”

“Are you sure?” Erwin asks sympathetically, pulls away slightly to meet Levi’s eyes.

No. No, he isn’t. Levi knows nothing, and if he’s ever know anything before, it’s all gone now. He wants to escape and forget and just be gone, completely, eternally… No, not that either. It’s getting loud again, inside of his mind. Levi curls into himself, hugs his knees close to his chest.

“Levi, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay to cry,” Erwin says warmly, lips pressed to the back of Levi’s neck.

Is he crying? He didn’t notice. But why? Why.. why does he care, why does it even matter.

“Then I’ll take you away from here,” Erwin promises. His words pulling Levi back into reality and his own body.

“Far away?”

“Yes.. I.. Levi, I have to tell you something.”

Levi squirms in Erwin’s arms. What is this supposed to mean? It doesn’t sound as comforting as Levi wanted it to sound, there’s something behind it, a meaning he can’t grasp.

“I didn’t want to tell you like this, I’m so sorry Levi.”

“What..? What are you talking about?” Levi pulls away, out of the warmth of Erwin’s arms.

“Levi please, listen, please don’t run.”

He has to run. Levi has to run away, this is too much. Unbearable. Impossible to deal with, his chest feels so tight, so tight he’ll suffocate.

“Just fucking tell me!!” Levi yells pushing himself back until Erwin stops reaching out, doesn’t touch him anymore but instead looks at Levi with an expression that tries to break his heart to pieces.

“My.. my boss called the other day. Before I gave you the ring. Levi, I’m going back to Germany.”

“Leave.” Levi’s voice cuts the air, monotonously, deadly.

“Levi, no, please, please let me explain, let’s talk about it.” Still sitting on the futon, Erwin’s hand reaches to wrap around Levi’s ankle.

“Don’t touch me. Leave,” Levi repeats, pushing himself away from Erwin until his back is pressed against the cold wall.

Levi is blind in this moment, blind to the conflict and pain in Erwin’s eyes, the struggle of wanting to reach out, to embrace Levi and make sure he can’t vanish, just slip through his fingers and be gone. But Levi said it, told Erwin to leave.

“No. I won’t, and you won’t either.” Erwin pulls Levi closer, grabs his wrist in one hand and lets go of his ankle to wrap his arm around Levi’s waist. He’s struggling against Erwin, pushing, crying. Erwin won’t let go. Not this time.

“Erwin! I- I hate you! I fucking hate everything, I hate this, why do I have to fucking go through this, I don’t understand!! I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve you!!” Levi’s strength fades, the lack of it lets him sink against Erwin’s chest where he’s held securely.

“I love you, I love you so much, my little angel.”

-

“I’m nervous, it’s been a while..” Levi pushes his bag under the seat in front of him and pulls down his facemask. His heart is beating a little too quickly for his liking, but he knows it’ll get better as soon as the plane takes off. Erwin tucks his luggage in the compartment above and sits down next to Levi, kissing the back of his hand with a gentle smile.

“If the plane crashes, we’ll die together,” Erwin declares with a little too much seriousness, leaving Levi speechless for a moment.

“That’s.. not what I thought you’d say but.. now that I think about it, yeah, that’s not too bad.”

“I’m joking,” Erwin lies and kisses Levi’s cheek, pulling up the black mask like he’s trying to preserve the touch of his lips on Levi’s skin.

“I know you’re not joking… daddy,” Levi whispers, leaning closer to rest his head on Erwin’s shoulder.

“Don’t do this, Levi, I’m not going to spank you on an airplane.” Erwin’s palm slips down Levi’s inner thigh, grabbing the softness there possessively. He knows it’ll sting a little, he’s left marks on his boy, right where he’s touching now. It’s been necessary after that night, to get some relief, some stress out before such a long journey.

The long flight isn’t Levi’s only concern. “This is just a vacation, right?”

“Yes, well, for you it is. I’ll have to work a bit, mostly from our hotel and I might have to attend some meetings, I couldn’t have taken leave on short notice, you know that.”

“I know that damn well, I fucking quit my job for this, just in case you forgot.” Levi doesn’t blame Erwin for this, in the end, it was his own decision. But Erwin’s confession and proposal had pushed Levi to make this decision much more quickly that he’d ever thought.

Erwin holds Levi’s left hand as the plane takes off; the fingers of his right hand are playing with the ring on his necklace, and with the question it holds silently. He’ll see, maybe their time in Germany will decide for him, maybe Erwin will decide for him, Levi wouldn’t mind.

The flight feels longer than Levi had expected. Erwin is sleeping with his arms crossed right next to him, and in that moment he feels like he’s the only one awake on board. It is dark and silent and so fucking lonely. He wants to lift the blinds and watch the sky, watch little droplets in the freezing cold, but instead he sits and stares at the screen in front of him, slowing drifting into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	11. Own me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Erwin’s voice is dark any heavy, and Levi isn’t sure what he means. But instead of thinking, he embraces the darkness of it and gives himself over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically just the kinky fun they deserve after going through so much.

“Baby boy.” Erwin kisses Levi’s neck, pulls the blanket down to expose where his boy’s skin is hot and damp from the heavy fabric. It’s gotten cold, but Levi’s body seems a little out of balance since their arrival in Germany two days ago. They’re staying in Frankfurt for now, where the European headquarters of the company Erwin works for are located.

Working in Germany meant travelling and commuting constantly. Looking back Erwin feels like years of his life are blurring into one big piece of nothing. Nothing distinct, nothing exciting, nothing warm. Now, with Levi, it’s like the life he was living before wasn’t even his own. Or maybe this one isn’t his own and he’s just sucking the life out of the sweet boy in his bed, like a fucking leech fuelled by depression and self-loathing.

“I’m tired,” Levi slurs but manages to turn around to face Erwin, stretching his slim body until the blanket doesn’t provide much cover anymore and he can feel Erwin’s eyes devouring him. “Why are you already dressed, what the fuck?” Erwin looks so good like this, so unlike anything Levi could ever be. Someone others look at, or look up to, as a productive member of society. Someone hardworking and kind, generous even. So damn generous that the realisation of what Erwin hasn’t only given him emotionally, but financially, causes a sharp sting of conscience in Levi’s chest. He couldn’t ever pay him back.

“Online meeting, video conference to be precise. I would have loved to stay in bed with you, without any clothes at all..” Erwin’s palm glides over Levi’s thigh, and despite Levi’s improved eating habits, his body just seems so small compared to Erwin’s. His legs, his wrists, his neck. Erwin will never forget that day he first saw him, that day he couldn’t have known Levi would be his, his boy, his little angel. His love.

“Did you eat breakfast yet?” Levi asks with slight worry in his voice. He can tell that Erwin has been awake for a while, probably several hours while Levi was sleeping soundly. He’s always like that, taking care of the things that need to get done so that Levi can have his peace.

“No, but I see something tasty right in front of me.”

“That’s so fucking cheesy,” Levi teases, unable to hold back laughter. “Well, Daddy, I didn’t shower yet but by now I know you’re into some disgusting shit.”

“I’m into you, all of you, always. Come here.” Erwin sits down next to Levi on the bed and pulls the boy into his lap. It’s so easy to pick him up, position him just the way Erwin wants him to be.

“I love you, baby boy.”

“I love you too, Daddy-- What. are you doing..?” Levi hesitates giving in to the way Erwin moves him, raises his arm to kiss his armpit and lick a wet stripe over scars until he reaches his elbow.

“I’m marking what’s mine. All of this, all of you, mine.” Erwin’s teeth claim the scarred skin, catch it in between them to suck the healthy white that’s following red stripes into a soft pink.

Levi moans, unable to tell why. Even if he could think properly, he couldn’t say what’s happening to him, couldn’t put this feeling into words. Erwin pushes his nose against Levi’s skin, down his side, over his ribs and chest, up again to rest in the crook of his neck where he inhales his scent. Eyes closed, arms wrapped around his boy, he just breathes him in, has him grinding into his lap. Naked, open and vulnerable.

“Fuck, oh fuck.. please,” Levi is begging again, for nothing and everything.

“Want me to fuck you like this, impatient little thing?” Erwin’s words are pressed against Levi’s neck, swallowed by teeth pressing into his skin. It’s not gentle or sweet. It’s painful, stinging in a way that makes Levi’s back arch and his nails dig into Erwin’s back.

“Ah- yes,” Levi mewls through the pain he wants so much more of, wants to bathe and drown in if Erwin is the one to inflict it upon him. He’s suddenly let go of and thrown off Erwin’s lap, feeling out of breath and lost without those hands on his body.

“Daddy, don’t leave.” What is he saying? Erwin isn’t leaving, he knows that. Erwin promised to stay, Erwin keeps his promises.

“Shh, be quiet little darling, I’m here, I’ll make you feel good, make you feel so many things.” Erwin loosens the dark blue tie around his neck. “Show me your wrists, boy.” Levi obeys eagerly, to be bound again, to feel safe.

The navy blue silk pulls Levi’s wrists up and secures them to the frame of the bed. His surroundings, the expensive room with floor-length windows fade into the background and all that remains is Erwin. Right in front of him, observing him.

“You’re squirming,” Erwin states in a low tone, smirking confidently. “Tell me why.”

Erwin knows why, of course he knows. But that’s not enough, he wants to hear it, to make Levi say it and expose himself fully. All his thoughts, his insecurities, to hand them over to Erwin, for him to lock away and protect, to cherish.

“Because you’re looking at me, Daddy,” Levi admits, feeling blood rushing to his cheeks.

“Do you want me to stop looking, baby?” Erwin slowly slips out of his white button-down shirt and Levi wants to observe too. The faint gold over Erwin’s chest, the curves of his muscles. Levi knows their strength, their heat and power when Erwin is on top of him, inside of him, or simply holding him safely in his arms. He wants to worship the man he loves. Out of volition, out of devotion, but for now he’s bound and at his mercy.

“Please don’t stop. Look at me, always!! Please, never stop.”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to. If you left me, Levi, I’d still see you, I’d need to see you..” Erwin’s voice is dark any heavy, and Levi isn’t sure what he means. But instead of thinking he embraces the darkness of it and gives himself over.

Erwin strips down fully and sits back on his heels, right between Levi’s legs. His cock lies heavy and thick between his thighs, the sight alone makes Levi clench his muscles in anticipation. Erwin has taught him to be patient, not to rush and push but Levi’s eagerness feels overwhelming. He spreads his thighs far, raises his hips to lure and invite, but Erwin reaches for Levi’s ankles instead and forces his legs back together. Levi wants to complain and beg but Erwin’s gaze is warning him without words.

His soles, his ankles, Erwin plants kisses all over. Levi is ticklish like this, unable to hold still but the strain of trying not to pull away and instead let Erwin’s teeth graze his calf so teasingly, causes blood to rush right to his cock. As Erwin’s lips arrive right next to Levi’s sac, abandoning a trail of deep red spots, Levi is hard, leaving thin strands of moisture on his belly as Erwin bends him in half to press his tongue over Levi’s taint and start exploring the pink ring of muscle.

Erwin loves eating him out, tasting and smelling him. In the beginning Levi was hesitant, shy and concerned to let him so close without a shower and proper cleaning beforehand, but now everything is different, nothing will be the way it was before.

Levi wants to stifle his moans by covering his mouth and lay the other hand on his chest where the ring Erwin gave him rests warm and calm against his body. It’s like Erwin reads his thoughts. “Let me hear you properly,” he warns him, barely removing his tongue from where saliva connects him to Levi’s wet hole. He kneads his ass, pushes his tongue deeper.

“Disgusting,” Levi whines in an attempt to distract from the pleasure he’s showing Erwin so clearly.

Erwin’s mouth leaves Levi’s body and he’s bent even further, creating room for Erwin’s palm to crash down onto Levi’s bare ass. Levi stops counting after the tenth spank and gives in to the feeling. He wants Erwin inside of him, wants his cock spreading him apart, filling him. The heat on his skin is driving him insane, he needs it all over, inside and out.

“Oh please, fuck me, please Daddy!” Levi starts squirming, trying to turn over as soon as Erwin’s hands leave his body. He wants to offer himself, ass up and chest down but Erwin pulls him closer and forces him to remain on his back.

“No, I want to see your face.” Those words are burning over Levi’s expression, leaving pink shame and need and things he can’t name. Erwin is fully hard now, folds Levi once more until his knees rest close to his chest. 

“Relax for me, my love,” Erwin coos, laying his lubed up cock between Levi’s exposed cheeks to tease until his head pushes past the resistance, earning him a choked off moan. He takes his time, knowing fully well Levi wants to rush, eager for that burn and feeling of fullness. One palm rests on Levi’s lower belly, holding him down gently, feeling where they’re becoming one.

Erwin sinks into him further, further, until Levi thinks it should stop soon, but it doesn’t, and he wishes it wouldn’t stop ever. Wishes that he could have Erwin inside further, more, fully. He’s greedy.

“God, Levi… you’re so beautiful.” Erwin hunches over him, now fully settled inside. He cups Levi’s face where the light kisses its sharp softness. His boy’s lips invite Erwin’s fingers, tongue asking for something to play with, and Erwin gives. 

With two fingers pushed into the wetness of Levi’s mouth Erwin starts moving his hips, giving Levi just the pressure and completeness he needs so badly. The pace doesn’t remain calm for long. Levi’s expression fuels Erwin’s desires too, so he lets his hand slip away from wet heat and instead wraps it around the base of Levi’s slender neck.

“Good boy,” Erwin praises before increasing the intensity of his thrusts and the pressure around Levi’s throat, causing his jaw to go slack.

There’s tension in Levi’s body but none in his mind. With his breath taken away and docile under Erwin’s fingers, Levi loses himself and finds pleasure in return, sinking in and out of fuzzy vision and lack of oxygen. He has no concept of how long it takes, how many times Erwin thrusts into him deep, one hand working his cock, aching and tense despite the softness and lack of control he’s drowning in.

Levi cums all over himself, inhaling sharp breaths as Erwin’s hand allows it and he paints his chest in milky-clear spurts.

If only Levi knew, if only he could see what Erwin sees while hearing those high-pitched moans, stifled by Erwin’s power. The power Levi allows him to have, handing it over so desperately for Erwin to hold, because it’s a burden to Levi to carry it, and a pleasure for Erwin to take it from him.

Erwin joins Levi in his relief, lets his body milk him dry before meeting Levi’s lips for a longing kiss.

“I love you, my sweet prince, I love you so much.”

Levi can’t think even as his wrists slip out of silk and Erwin’s tongue laps up the stickiness over his chest and he’s wrapped into a hot and damp embrace.

“I love you too.. you’re the best, most disgusting Daddy I could ask for.” Levi chuckles against the gold spreading over Erwin’s muscles, takes in his scent, their scent, too.

They stay like this until Levi becomes too aware of the sweat making the sheets stick to his skin. Erwin carries him into the bathroom where Levi chooses a chocolate scented bath bomb Erwin bought for him at the airport.

“Vanilla scented body wash? I didn’t even see you pick that.”

“Guess you should pay better attention to how I’m spending your money,” Levi teases before spreading the creamy texture on his palms to sit behind Erwin and rub deep circles into his back, washing him with the care and attention he deserves. Erwin deserves everything, Levi wants to give all he has.

“You work so much, your muscles are tense as fuck right here. I, uhm, I mean.. thank you,” Levi leans his forehead against Erwin’s skin, arms softly circling his waist. “Thank you for everything, for taking care of me, and all.”

Erwin smiles to himself, takes one of the small hands hugging his midriff to bring it up to his lips, kissing pale pink knuckles. “I’d do anything for you, really, I’m yours, Levi, just like you’re mine. You own me just like I own you.”

Levi breaks their intimate silence. “I can’t wait.. to spend the rest of my life with you, Erwin.”


End file.
